*grumble!* I just spent a frustrating couple of hours exploring Win-10 and trying to apply my experience back in DOS to rename a whole directory full of similarly named files to the same names, but with three characters added in the middle. ie.,

05-01a {filename} by {artist} on {source} {[upldate]}.*

to

05-01-16a and the rest is the same.

I've spent a couple of days renaming about four hundred by hand, but it occurred to me that I knew how to do it quickly in DOS, and that might just work in Win-10, if I could get to the DOS prompt equivalent.

Therein lies the problem. The path is:

Downloads\forFB\forComments\PictureoftheDay\Dragons\used\2016 so it's a bit difficult to get to if you have to use cd a bunch of times before you can even start! I think I could just use the string above preceded by ren and followed by to and the same string with "-16" added in the appropriate place. My real frustration comes from the fact that I was trying to follow instructions from the help file, and it said click the start button and then search for Command Prompt. There is no search box in the start menu, and the words "Command Prompt" are nowhere to be found! Eventually, my body was telling me to get back in bed, which I did. Since then it has occurred to me that I can make it easier by copying the 2016 folder to C:\ so I can avoid all those cds. Resting now, and I'll be back at it right after dinner.

I hate issues like this. 

It used to be something like 

Rename *.jpg 05-01a*.jpg

I mean, I have recollections of doing this too in the past with wildcarding - but I haven't really been able to successfully do it in the last decade. 


I think what you would want is a script or batch file - and probably linux, to be able to do it programmatically. 

Thu May 20 2021 15:21:57 MST from Jerry Moore

*grumble!* I just spent a frustrating couple of hours exploring Win-10 and trying to apply my experience back in DOS to rename a whole directory full of similarly named files to the same names, but with three characters added in the middle. ie.,

05-01a {filename} by {artist} on {source} {[upldate]}.*

to

05-01-16a and the rest is the same.

I've spent a couple of days renaming about four hundred by hand, but it occurred to me that I knew how to do it quickly in DOS, and that might just work in Win-10, if I could get to the DOS prompt equivalent.

Therein lies the problem. The path is:

Downloads\forFB\forComments\PictureoftheDay\Dragons\used\2016 so it's a bit difficult to get to if you have to use cd a bunch of times before you can even start! I think I could just use the string above preceded by ren and followed by to and the same string with "-16" added in the appropriate place. My real frustration comes from the fact that I was trying to follow instructions from the help file, and it said click the start button and then search for Command Prompt. There is no search box in the start menu, and the words "Command Prompt" are nowhere to be found! Eventually, my body was telling me to get back in bed, which I did. Since then it has occurred to me that I can make it easier by copying the 2016 folder to C:\ so I can avoid all those cds. Resting now, and I'll be back at it right after dinner.

You can use a powershell script to scroll thru a directory and do some renames for you:

PS C:\LazyWinAdmin\POSH> Get-ChildItem -Path *YourPath* -Directory | ForEach-Object -Process {Rename-item -Path $_.Name -NewName ($_.name -replace "OR","OttoRobot") -Verbose}

This should give you a starting point to begin to work with it.  This one looks for a partial match like "OR" and changes it to "OttoRoboto" in every file in a directory.

You would have to use a little more of your DOS skills to create counters if you wanted to create a counter,  Hopefully it will give you enough so that you can play around with it.

Sun May 23 2021 04:33:59 PM MST from ParanoidDelusions <paranoiddelusions@wallofhate.com>

I hate issues like this. 

It used to be something like 

Rename *.jpg 05-01a*.jpg

I mean, I have recollections of doing this too in the past with wildcarding - but I haven't really been able to successfully do it in the last decade. 


I think what you would want is a script or batch file - and probably linux, to be able to do it programmatically. 

 

Thu May 20 2021 15:21:57 MST from Jerry Moore

*grumble!* I just spent a frustrating couple of hours exploring Win-10 and trying to apply my experience back in DOS to rename a whole directory full of similarly named files to the same names, but with three characters added in the middle. ie.,

05-01a {filename} by {artist} on {source} {[upldate]}.*

to

05-01-16a and the rest is the same.

I've spent a couple of days renaming about four hundred by hand, but it occurred to me that I knew how to do it quickly in DOS, and that might just work in Win-10, if I could get to the DOS prompt equivalent.

Therein lies the problem. The path is:

Downloads\forFB\forComments\PictureoftheDay\Dragons\used\2016 so it's a bit difficult to get to if you have to use cd a bunch of times before you can even start! I think I could just use the string above preceded by ren and followed by to and the same string with "-16" added in the appropriate place. My real frustration comes from the fact that I was trying to follow instructions from the help file, and it said click the start button and then search for Command Prompt. There is no search box in the start menu, and the words "Command Prompt" are nowhere to be found! Eventually, my body was telling me to get back in bed, which I did. Since then it has occurred to me that I can make it easier by copying the 2016 folder to C:\ so I can avoid all those cds. Resting now, and I'll be back at it right after dinner.

 

I bet there are good powershell scripting courses on Udemy. 

Might be a worthwhile investment if you can pick one up for $9-20... 

Sun May 30 2021 23:03:47 MST from Otto Roboto <otto_roboto@wallofhate.com>

You can use a powershell script to scroll thru a directory and do some renames for you:

PS C:\LazyWinAdmin\POSH> Get-ChildItem -Path *YourPath* -Directory | ForEach-Object -Process {Rename-item -Path $_.Name -NewName ($_.name -replace "OR","OttoRobot") -Verbose}

This should give you a starting point to begin to work with it.  This one looks for a partial match like "OR" and changes it to "OttoRoboto" in every file in a directory.

You would have to use a little more of your DOS skills to create counters if you wanted to create a counter,  Hopefully it will give you enough so that you can play around with it.

 

Sun May 23 2021 04:33:59 PM MST from ParanoidDelusions <paranoiddelusions@wallofhate.com>

I hate issues like this. 

It used to be something like 

Rename *.jpg 05-01a*.jpg

I mean, I have recollections of doing this too in the past with wildcarding - but I haven't really been able to successfully do it in the last decade. 


I think what you would want is a script or batch file - and probably linux, to be able to do it programmatically. 

 

Thu May 20 2021 15:21:57 MST from Jerry Moore

*grumble!* I just spent a frustrating couple of hours exploring Win-10 and trying to apply my experience back in DOS to rename a whole directory full of similarly named files to the same names, but with three characters added in the middle. ie.,

05-01a {filename} by {artist} on {source} {[upldate]}.*

to

05-01-16a and the rest is the same.

I've spent a couple of days renaming about four hundred by hand, but it occurred to me that I knew how to do it quickly in DOS, and that might just work in Win-10, if I could get to the DOS prompt equivalent.

Therein lies the problem. The path is:

Downloads\forFB\forComments\PictureoftheDay\Dragons\used\2016 so it's a bit difficult to get to if you have to use cd a bunch of times before you can even start! I think I could just use the string above preceded by ren and followed by to and the same string with "-16" added in the appropriate place. My real frustration comes from the fact that I was trying to follow instructions from the help file, and it said click the start button and then search for Command Prompt. There is no search box in the start menu, and the words "Command Prompt" are nowhere to be found! Eventually, my body was telling me to get back in bed, which I did. Since then it has occurred to me that I can make it easier by copying the 2016 folder to C:\ so I can avoid all those cds. Resting now, and I'll be back at it right after dinner.

 

 

My cups of frustration runneth over. Being frustrated over the scripting stuff drove me back to the problem of getting my two Win-10 computers to talk to one another, and after one apparent breakthrough that wasn't, I have to admit that I'm stumped. I noticed a switch in one of the menus on the Dell that said "Reset Network" and I said "What the Hell" and pushed it. A red dialog box popped up saying "Are you sure you want to do this?" and I clicked the YES button. Well, it closed all my apps, logged me out of Windows, and then went ominously quiet for awhile. Eventually, after completing whatever it was doing in there, it rebooted the whole computer. I hurried back to bed, where the Surface now lives, I opened it and booted it up, pulled up the file browser, and clicked on "Network" down at the bottom. It showed me the same two jumbles of letters and numbers as before, and one reported File Empty, while the other, which started with desktop, reported "Users" which dropped down two choices, one of which started with moor. When I clicked on that, it showed me a familiar looking items, including "Downloads" which I clicked on, hoping to see the contents of the Dell's Downloads directory. Instead, it simply showed "Firefox Downloader" which I knew was left in the Surface's Download directory after I'd installed Firefox a couple of days ago. I'm currently out of ideas. 😥

Just a side note to the above. While I was on the Dell, I looked at the directory under Network that started with desktop, and it was empty, so I copied and pasted the contents of my 2016 dragon pictures directory into it, and they seem to be there, since I can click on them to view them there, but on the Surface, they don't show up!

I'm pretty busy this week, but we could set up Team Viewer and I could remote in and poke around and see if I can figure out what is going wrong, remotely. 

Sounds good to me. I'm having a rough week. Trouble sleeping, trouble breathing, even with the oxygen I'm now wearing. Too hot temperatures, even for Redding. Well over a hundred today, and my daughter worried that I wouldn't be able to handle it with all the transfers required to get to the doctor's office for a scheduled appointment, so she called to cancel it, and they switched it to a telemedicine call. Talked to my primary about my situation, and we have another scheduled appointment in two weeks, and we're going to try to use the city bus system handicap busses to get around some of the transfer issues. Problem is that it takes one to three weeks to set up one of those, so I may end up with another telemedicine call instead. Obviously, I still haven't fully recovered from the massive infection that put me in the hospital.

Tue Jun 01 2021 08:55:57 MST from ParanoidDelusions <paranoiddelusions@wallofhate.com>

I'm pretty busy this week, but we could set up Team Viewer and I could remote in and poke around and see if I can figure out what is going wrong, remotely. 

 

Well, if it doesn't get better for you, get yourself admitted back to the hospital. I know you don't like it there - but it may be more comfortable for you than being at home at the present. 

Go ahead and find and download Team Viewer. I'll make some time this weekend to log in remotely and see if I can get things sorted out. 

https://www.teamviewer.com/en-us/teamviewer-automatic-download/

Thu Jun 03 2021 22:52:08 MST from Jerry Moore

Sounds good to me. I'm having a rough week. Trouble sleeping, trouble breathing, even with the oxygen I'm now wearing. Too hot temperatures, even for Redding. Well over a hundred today, and my daughter worried that I wouldn't be able to handle it with all the transfers required to get to the doctor's office for a scheduled appointment, so she called to cancel it, and they switched it to a telemedicine call. Talked to my primary about my situation, and we have another scheduled appointment in two weeks, and we're going to try to use the city bus system handicap busses to get around some of the transfer issues. Problem is that it takes one to three weeks to set up one of those, so I may end up with another telemedicine call instead. Obviously, I still haven't fully recovered from the massive infection that put me in the hospital.

Tue Jun 01 2021 08:55:57 MST from ParanoidDelusions <paranoiddelusions@wallofhate.com>

I'm pretty busy this week, but we could set up Team Viewer and I could remote in and poke around and see if I can figure out what is going wrong, remotely. 

 

 

Sorry. . . I'm still in the pit! I've been here a couple of times, but couldn't get myself to start a message. DID set up the program you sent on my Dell desktop, but haven't tried to connect with you.

Take your time, Jerry. Whenever you're ready, I'll try and get you helped out. Glad to see you surface here again, though. I was worried you might have given it up. I do miss your image dumps. 

Well, I have a new fly (or hornet or bumblebee) in the ointment, here, and I'm not at all sure what it actually is or how to deal with it, yet.

I suspect that it had to do with the latest Windows 10 update, but it could also be hardware related. A couple of days ago, I was playing one of the Microsoft games that requires you to be connected to the Internet at all times, when I got the error message "Must be connected to the Internet" and realized that I hadn't rebooted Windows in a week or so. I usually turn the computer off at least once a week to clear any trash out of RAM. So I told the system to shut down, and went back to bed. I normally get out of bed and into my wheelchair three times a day, for meals, and mess with the desktop Dell at those times. Lately it's been mostly Solitiare, Mahjongg or Jigsaw puzzle challenges, although I'm still trying to get the desktop and the tablet I got from you to talk to each other. They both connect to the Internet, fine, and Microsoft knows who I am on each of them, so the initial lock screen for login is the same one I chose on the Desktop (a Dragon, of course) is the same on both of them, and the Microsoft games know who I am and have synchronized the game and challenge info. What the two computers don't do, is show each other or any of the other devices (phones, my Android Amazon Fire tablet, and our smart TV in the living room). I can use another utility from the operating system to see the TV, but my Fire tablet doesn't show up. I assume that my daughter's and her husband's phones don't show up for the same reason. Both of the tablets still have an internet connection, so I know that our router is working. I should have gotten you connected to the Dell desktop while it was still connected. All of that no longer matters, since, when I turned the Desktop back on yesterday, it no longer sees the Internet or even displays a list of local Wi-Fi routers to select from. The desktop doesn't have built-in WiFi, so I use a dongle for that. I've tried unplugging and replugging the dongle into a different USB port, but that didn't help. I would ask my daughter for help, but she and her husband have been fighting almost non-stop for the last week or so, and I feel lucky to get my meals, bottles of water and medications I need. There are reasons why they aren't getting along, including a variety connected to Covid. My daughter is no longer the manager of the six apparent building where we live since the owner sold it to some local company. We no longer get a discount on our rent, so expenses have increased substantially, and my daughter is concerned that we may be asked to move out, along with the other five tenants, so that they can raise the rent to new tenants. Since the renters' moratorium has now expired, we're all worried.

Wed Jun 16 2021 21:14:04 MST from ParanoidDelusions <paranoiddelusions@wallofhate.com>

Take your time, Jerry. Whenever you're ready, I'll try and get you helped out. Glad to see you surface here again, though. I was worried you might have given it up. I do miss your image dumps. 

 

On Windows 10, on the Dell, go to the grey bar in the task menu, and type in "Network Reset" on that - and follow the wizard, it may help. 

This might also help: 

https://answers.microsoft.com/en-us/windows/forum/all/private-network-connection/91351873-d625-42af-b986-97f4a88d1fca

In particular - you want to set it up both machines as a private network that are *visible* or can be seen on the network and can share resources. You may want to verify it is a private network for both machines, that they can be seen on the network, and disable the firewall on both of them temporarily to ensure that it isn't firewall settings that is causing them not to see one another. 

Did a private owner buy the apartments or a bank? I bet the local company is a subsidiary of a much larger blanket corporation. Just heard a troubling theory that Covid caused renters not to pay, now owners are defaulting and their properties are becoming bank owned - and it is a further consolidation of wealth and destruction of the middle class "bourgeois petite."

And - fuck the French for pronouncing that word boujwah. 

 

Tue Aug 03 2021 13:04:01 MST from Jerry Moore

Well, I have a new fly (or hornet or bumblebee) in the ointment, here, and I'm not at all sure what it actually is or how to deal with it, yet.

I suspect that it had to do with the latest Windows 10 update, but it could also be hardware related. A couple of days ago, I was playing one of the Microsoft games that requires you to be connected to the Internet at all times, when I got the error message "Must be connected to the Internet" and realized that I hadn't rebooted Windows in a week or so. I usually turn the computer off at least once a week to clear any trash out of RAM. So I told the system to shut down, and went back to bed. I normally get out of bed and into my wheelchair three times a day, for meals, and mess with the desktop Dell at those times. Lately it's been mostly Solitiare, Mahjongg or Jigsaw puzzle challenges, although I'm still trying to get the desktop and the tablet I got from you to talk to each other. They both connect to the Internet, fine, and Microsoft knows who I am on each of them, so the initial lock screen for login is the same one I chose on the Desktop (a Dragon, of course) is the same on both of them, and the Microsoft games know who I am and have synchronized the game and challenge info. What the two computers don't do, is show each other or any of the other devices (phones, my Android Amazon Fire tablet, and our smart TV in the living room). I can use another utility from the operating system to see the TV, but my Fire tablet doesn't show up. I assume that my daughter's and her husband's phones don't show up for the same reason. Both of the tablets still have an internet connection, so I know that our router is working. I should have gotten you connected to the Dell desktop while it was still connected. All of that no longer matters, since, when I turned the Desktop back on yesterday, it no longer sees the Internet or even displays a list of local Wi-Fi routers to select from. The desktop doesn't have built-in WiFi, so I use a dongle for that. I've tried unplugging and replugging the dongle into a different USB port, but that didn't help. I would ask my daughter for help, but she and her husband have been fighting almost non-stop for the last week or so, and I feel lucky to get my meals, bottles of water and medications I need. There are reasons why they aren't getting along, including a variety connected to Covid. My daughter is no longer the manager of the six apparent building where we live since the owner sold it to some local company. We no longer get a discount on our rent, so expenses have increased substantially, and my daughter is concerned that we may be asked to move out, along with the other five tenants, so that they can raise the rent to new tenants. Since the renters' moratorium has now expired, we're all worried.

Wed Jun 16 2021 21:14:04 MST from ParanoidDelusions <paranoiddelusions@wallofhate.com>

Take your time, Jerry. Whenever you're ready, I'll try and get you helped out. Glad to see you surface here again, though. I was worried you might have given it up. I do miss your image dumps. 

 

 

I really do. Exist, that is. I'm not as functional as normal, though, since our air conditioner seems to have failed some time this afternoon, and it has been hot. I wish my daughter was still the manager here, because she would have just called the maintenance guy and he'd have been here fixing it. The new managers responded to Michelle's request for relief with an email to my account suggesting that we turn the AC off for three hours and then back on again. She wouldn't even have gotten the message, except that I was sitting at my desktop computer, eating dinner, when the system popped up a message to Michelle. I went into Firefox and hit the tab for hotmail and read the message and informed Michelle. I later forwarded it to her account. Since she had already turned the AC off, she turned it back on, and we got a little relief. It has since cooled to the ninetys outside, and although Michelle normally turns the AC off when they go to bed, I'm cooling off with the Patton industrial strength fan I bought in Virginia to cool my room the summer our heat pump died.

In other news, only vaguely related to the above, the reason you haven't heard from me recently, even though you could see my activity on FaceBook, is that things have been difficult here, and FaceBook has been my escape from the excessive drama in this household. My daughter's marriage has been strained for years, and has recently gone downhill. I feel sorry for my grandsons, since their parents scream at one another frequently, and it even gets through my noise cancelling headphones with Alexa playing music at high volume. My problem is that I really need the care that my daughter provides me, and there have been a couple of incidents recently that underscored that. Since my last hospital visit, I have been on oxygen constantly, and the simpler incident was simply getting my air line from the concentrator tangled in the little wheels at the back of my wheelchair that keep me from tipping over backwards. She was able to fix the problem in seconds. The other incident was noticeably more dangerous and difficult. I apparently ate something that didn't agree with me, and ended up losing control of my digestive system at both ends. I was mid transfer by slide board to my wheelchair when I lost bowel control. I called my daughter, and told her what was happening. She asked if I thought I could make it all the way to the commode, and I didn't think so, especially since I could feel that I was going to throw up. . .so I went back down the slide board to the bed, where I threw up into a receptacle that I keep handy for that. Then I completely lost bowel control and crapped my bed. So Michelle had to come in and clean me up, and dispose of my bucket of barf. She was not happy, but she did the job.at least the Hospital bed I use has a plastic covered mattress, and I don't use sheets because we couldn't get them to stay on the bed when I was adjusting the head and foot height, which I do throughout the day. I can no longer take care of myself independently, and my Medicare and Social Security won't cover the cost of assisted living. I've been told that, if I end up in one of the rehab hospitals again, I can refuse to leave and the government will pay for my stay if they agree that I am sufficiently in need. The problem with that is that I left the last time. Also, I get to use two tablets and a desktop computer here, and there's no guarantee that I would be able to do so there. For these reasons, and the fact that I'd like to stay with my family, I haven't done anything about the situation. I won't ask friends or other family (the half-brother I've never met, but communicate with regularly on FaceBook) to take me in and take care of me the way my daughter does, and I currently don't feel motivated to perform extracurricular activities. Things still might change, but for now, I'm hiding in the fantasy world of FaceBook and waiting for my time to run out. I've never been suicidal, and still don't want to die, but real life isn't particularly pleasant at the moment.

Oh, I forgot. I used your advice, and recovered the use of my desktop computer. Thank you very much! I still can't see everything from any of my machines, but at least I can use them all. After I get out of the current crisis (AC) maybe we can work on fixing that, at least. Even if management won't fix things, temperature relief is only a few days away today was the peak, and it improves from here, I hope.

I suppose I started realizing that the miles were piling up on my odometer when I started having problems with my heart related to drug abuse in the mid 80s... but between that time and my late 30's, I felt fairly invincible and immune to the ravages of time. But around my early 40s, I really started hitting a wall. My hair went faster, and by my late 40s, my eyesight was failing me rapidly after a lifetime of having better than 20/20 vision. Reflexes, balance - general fitness. I ended up having a double hernia and losing 3 teeth in a very painful sequence of time that had me really concerned with my health. After the hernia surgery - I put on weight and couldn't stop, and that turned out to be hypothyroid. Life eats away at you with little indignities. Oddly enough, the older I get, the less I worry about *artificial* ends to my being... I couldn't really be bothered to worry about a plane crash - it would be an interesting and unique way to check out - and in a morbid sort of way, it is winning the world's worst lottery because the odds are so slim. Coming to terms with my ultimate, and relatively impending mortality has freed me from a lot of the anxieties I suffered as a younger man. That is how you regain your dignity, maybe - by being ready and as not afraid of the finality and inevitability of the end as the end *wants* you to be of it. Not being stupid or suicidal or despondent - but determining to live the life that remains to you the fullest you are capable of living it. So you shit yourself? I shit myself a few months ago in a camper in the middle of the woods *thinking* I was just going to rip a fart - as a grown ass 51 year old man - then had to try to clean myself up and dispose of the accident as quietly, discretely and sanitarily as possible without waking my nearby sleeping wife and daughter. I'm painfully shy and self-conscious about "bodily functions" in public. I realized that on this last business trip. I can't really take care of business in public stalls - and even struggle with private bathrooms if there are people nearby on the other side of the door. But the minute I was in an office and everyone was gone - I had no problem dropping a deuce. So despite all this freedom from fear, simple social anxiety about a perfectly natural body function can still cripple me to the point I cause myself pain and inconvenience putting off what should be taken care of in the present. The mind is our enemy, not our failing bodies - and the minute you are born, your body begins the slow process of failing you. 

I'm sorry that you have been suffering, though. That sucks. 

In a weird and morbid somewhat related discussion... the first morning after the evening I arrived in Sacramento, a long-time friend called to let me know that a mutual and influential long time friend of ours had passed that morning. It was a weird kind of cosmic confirmation that I had made the right decision in abandoning my job here to go work a grueling gig in Northern California that had me flying by myself there and back, and driving by myself across 450 miles of Northern California from San Jose, to Monterey, Modesto, Fairfield and Sacramento. This friend of mine was a South Sac rocker/stoner a few years older than I - and he took me under his wing and offered me protection from the bullies in my elementary school and kind of put me on the path of being cool in school. This other guy was the metalhead Godfather of South Sac - and that guy had done the same thing for him, and to a certain extent, later for me. He was a tweaker, he was super intelligent, fascinated by computers but convinced I was a wizard of some sort with them - it was easy to dismiss him on technology but then he would say shit that made you realize he knew and understood WAY more about the technology than he ever let on. He really gronked it, without ever letting anyone in on the fact that he was a closet nerd. The weirdest thing is that no matter what I was putting on my playlists this trip, AC/DC kept coming into the playlist - and AC/DC was *his thing*. The whole thing just had a very metaphysical quality to it - that I would happen to be in town to commiserate with *my* friend about our friend who was so influential in both of our lives and who we became, on the morning of the day he died. 

And here is the thing - those guys - they're 5 or 6 years older than me - so dude was 57, 58 tops. He had been hiding out for the last 8 months or so because he didn't want people to know how badly he was deteriorating.  

Which is, what I mean to say is, it is always a pleasure to have you visit - and possibly when you no longer visit, there may be no more reason to keep the BBS up. I keep trying to get new people to become Citadelphians - but you and I, we're the last two ACTUAL active Citadelphians - and it takes at least two of us to make Citadelphia a thing. If it is just me, it is a lonely old guy hanging on to the past all by himself. Inevitably, even if I keep it up - this thing dies with us. So, you make it here when you can, and as long as you can - but don't feel compelled or obligated to visit. Do it if it rewards you, and when it doesn't... I'll miss your visits. 

I'm glad I could get you back up and running at least partially - though I've forgotten my advice. It does turn out that I'm pretty good at the tech support thing. :) 

Sun Aug 15 2021 22:15:15 MST from Jerry Moore Subject: I exist!

I really do. Exist, that is. I'm not as functional as normal, though, since our air conditioner seems to have failed some time this afternoon, and it has been hot. I wish my daughter was still the manager here, because she would have just called the maintenance guy and he'd have been here fixing it. The new managers responded to Michelle's request for relief with an email to my account suggesting that we turn the AC off for three hours and then back on again. She wouldn't even have gotten the message, except that I was sitting at my desktop computer, eating dinner, when the system popped up a message to Michelle. I went into Firefox and hit the tab for hotmail and read the message and informed Michelle. I later forwarded it to her account. Since she had already turned the AC off, she turned it back on, and we got a little relief. It has since cooled to the ninetys outside, and although Michelle normally turns the AC off when they go to bed, I'm cooling off with the Patton industrial strength fan I bought in Virginia to cool my room the summer our heat pump died.

 

In other news, only vaguely related to the above, the reason you haven't heard from me recently, even though you could see my activity on FaceBook, is that things have been difficult here, and FaceBook has been my escape from the excessive drama in this household. My daughter's marriage has been strained for years, and has recently gone downhill. I feel sorry for my grandsons, since their parents scream at one another frequently, and it even gets through my noise cancelling headphones with Alexa playing music at high volume. My problem is that I really need the care that my daughter provides me, and there have been a couple of incidents recently that underscored that. Since my last hospital visit, I have been on oxygen constantly, and the simpler incident was simply getting my air line from the concentrator tangled in the little wheels at the back of my wheelchair that keep me from tipping over backwards. She was able to fix the problem in seconds. The other incident was noticeably more dangerous and difficult. I apparently ate something that didn't agree with me, and ended up losing control of my digestive system at both ends. I was mid transfer by slide board to my wheelchair when I lost bowel control. I called my daughter, and told her what was happening. She asked if I thought I could make it all the way to the commode, and I didn't think so, especially since I could feel that I was going to throw up. . .so I went back down the slide board to the bed, where I threw up into a receptacle that I keep handy for that. Then I completely lost bowel control and crapped my bed. So Michelle had to come in and clean me up, and dispose of my bucket of barf. She was not happy, but she did the job.at least the Hospital bed I use has a plastic covered mattress, and I don't use sheets because we couldn't get them to stay on the bed when I was adjusting the head and foot height, which I do throughout the day. I can no longer take care of myself independently, and my Medicare and Social Security won't cover the cost of assisted living. I've been told that, if I end up in one of the rehab hospitals again, I can refuse to leave and the government will pay for my stay if they agree that I am sufficiently in need. The problem with that is that I left the last time. Also, I get to use two tablets and a desktop computer here, and there's no guarantee that I would be able to do so there. For these reasons, and the fact that I'd like to stay with my family, I haven't done anything about the situation. I won't ask friends or other family (the half-brother I've never met, but communicate with regularly on FaceBook) to take me in and take care of me the way my daughter does, and I currently don't feel motivated to perform extracurricular activities. Things still might change, but for now, I'm hiding in the fantasy world of FaceBook and waiting for my time to run out. I've never been suicidal, and still don't want to die, but real life isn't particularly pleasant at the moment.

And yes, cooler weather is on its way. I can confirm that the chill is already in the air in the bay area and even Sacramento - and hopefully you'll soon get some respite from the heat. 

Hello. I still exist. I'm feeling better than I was the last time I posted here. We have a working air conditioner again, since Michelle called the guy who was the maintenance man for these apartments when she was manager, and he came over and flushed a lot of junk out of our AC unit with a hose connected to a water faucet. Haven't had a problem since, and we know how to help the other tenants if they have the same problem. I re-read what I said in my last post, and have rewritten the same information with a little more organization and some background. I will add that to this post, so that I have something to refer back to if things don't hold together here.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this, but it's time I spoke up, at least in digital form. 

First, a little background. I'm seventy-four years old, and my parents divorced when I was very young. My mother, who had grown up in an intact, but very strict household and suffered a failed marriage, raised me herself, as a single mother, and my own marriage failed, leaving me to raise my daughter as a single dad. We both did the best we could, but with less of an emphasis on discipline in my case. Unfortunately, from my point of view, my daughter has taken that lack of discipline to a whole new level. She stated, early on, that she would not strike her children as punishment, while I had no problem with spanking her, when she was growing up. Where I failed at discipline was in not assigning her chores to "earn" her allowance.. My mom had made me work for my allowance.

 We are all under massive stress in this household, and although none of us are happy with the situation, we all see that things could be worse, so none of us have complained publicly. There are five humans and four cats here, and we physically have all the room we need. Psychologically, it's a different story.

The players:  Three adults and two children. A married couple, Thomas and Michelle Holvik, their two sons, Layton, 6 and Landon, 4, and Michelle's father, me. The four cats are all females that have been fixed, two are older and two middle aged. They get fed regularly and their cat boxes cleaned. The only problem they have is that they tend to look for places to hide when the couple is fighting. I'll address the humans next.

First, Thomas. Fifty years old, but reacts to situations like a teenager. Tends to narcissism and superiority. Loudest voice in the house.

Second, Michelle. Mother of two sons with Tom. She loves her sons very much, but is not willing to use physical discipline (i.e. spanking), which wasn't a problem with her first son, who is quite intelligent, and no more of a problem than might be expected. Unfortunately, her second son has special needs, and does not respond well to verbal commands, although he appears to understand them. Unfortunately, neither parent seem to realize or accept that he understands, and although they see the problem differently (she repeats the same sentence over and over in frustration, louder and louder, while he explodes with rage and then they argue) they haven't been able to cope with the situation, and it is getting worse. To compound the problem, they fight over what to do, and often their son wanders off and gets into something else while they are arguing. When they finally notice what he's doing, the shouting starts again. Right now they are screaming at each other over over the younger (4yo) son hitting the older (6yo) one, who doesn't try to defend himself because he's gotten in trouble for doing so. They each blame the other, and can't fix the problem by properly disciplining the younger child. I'm just grandpa, and when I suggested this fix, my daughter was outraged and said: "You're trying to get me to hit my child!"which was true, although I was also saying that she should talk to Landon first, so that he would understand why he was being disciplined. I'll admit that, when she was little, I didn't always manage to hold my temper, and struck her in anger, but I realized I was wrong, and tried harder not to do it again. I now see her enforcing her rules on her husband, so that his chief recourse is shouting at the boy, and I have seen/heard both of them lose it on occasion and strike their son in anger, as I did. I believe that this is the natural progression as verbal commands do not seem to work. I tried to discipline my daughter without spankings, because I had several discussions with CPS when my daughter went to school and told them that I had hit her (which is the main reason she won't hit HER children). I found that I just ended up shouting at her, and decided that spanking was better because it worked.

Now, while I can't speak for any of the others, I have heard my daughter say that she is afraid that CPS might take her sons away, which is why she puts up with our situation, and her husband would like to use physical punishment to fix the problem, but is restrained by her threats on the subject, which keeps him upset and performing no action other than shouting a lot (and occasionally smacking the child when his wife isn't around). As for me, as a seventy-four year old paraplegic (no legs) with other age-related problems, I have not complained because I have no idea of whether I could survive without the help of my daughter and her husband. . .so I keep my mouth shut most of the time. My daughter has said that she is afraid that she can't do enough for me, while coping with her children and husband, and that perhaps I should call APS (Adult Protective Services) for help, but I have been told that my Social Security and Medicare will not cover an assisted living situation, so I keep my peace and tolerate the situation here, since I have my computer and tablet for entertainment, and am sufficiently cared for and fed.

That's the revised statement. I will add that I just listened to another very loud argument between my daughter and her husband in the living room, from my bedroom. Apparently, she had been on the phone with a social worker about my autistic grandson's problems and our need for help, when her husband started mouthing off loudly in the background (so that the social worker would hear) about that it had been a couple of years since we had first asked for help, and that they weren't going to do anything anyway. His comments were liberally spiced with profanities. My daughter had had to discontinue the phone call and try to calm him down or make him leave. It was a long, loud, profane argument with both of my grandsons listening. He finally left and took the car. I am still a bit upset about it, and I'm afraid that my grandsons are too. As I was typing this, I saw him walk past my doorway, so he's back, but at least things are still quiet. I believe that I heard my daughter talking to the social worker again, or maybe sending a text message to her husband about his attitude and actions.

So... here are my thoughts. 

Traditional discipline doesn't work with autists - my daughter is an autist, and I we didn't discover until she was in her late teens - and in the course of her diagnosis and discussion with the initial care provider who delivered that diagnosis, I found out many things I did wrong raising her as if she were a traditional child. 

Spankings are unlikely to correct the problem. Understanding autism won't cure or correct the issues - but will make them more manageable. I can find some names and numbers you can reach out to for help. On my Facebook profile, reach out to Soni Thompson, who works for Billions Strong - an organization my daughter works with. They may be able to get you pointed in the direction of a local source of assistance. 

Autist children respond differently than regular children. My daughter used to make me irate when I was trying to discipline her and she would not look me in the eyes - and I would force her to. This is the wrong approach, as one example - because autists have tremendous difficulty maintaining eye contact. It is one of the "tells" that they use to diagnose autism. 

Raising an autistic child can put severe strain on the relationship. Your daughter, and her husband are both welcome to call me - they have my number - and I'll try and tell them about my experiences, and what I've learned, and how it has improved our household domestic life all around. You remove that strain - where both parents disagree and neither one really has a solution - and many other things fall into place. I spent 16 years *dreading* and hating meal times because my wife insisted my daughter eat what was served to her, and my daughter steadfastly and stubbornly refused to do so. This is also a common autist trait. Sensory phenomenon are experienced differently by autists. Touch, taste, texture - all can be intolerable to them. You *can* force them to experience these sensory experiences - but it is torture for them, and they'll end up hating you for it. 

This is affecting your entire household, and you REQUIRE outside assistance. Being of financially limited resources, this is fraught with more peril than it is for someone like us, with significant affluence behind us. Still - there is always danger and distrust in getting "involved with the system". Do not let that fear of becoming entrapped in the system prevent you from seeking help from it. You need it, all of you - and managed correctly, it is more likely to help your situation than harm it. It is unlikely to get any *better* with the current approach, and quite possibly things will escalate for the worse. 

I am sorry that you are experiencing this - but things can improve. The first step is finding out clinically where the grandson is on the spectrum. He is verbal and it sounds like he is probably high functioning. He probably develops fixation with food, shows, art, games, or items? These are called special interests. Just as quickly as those obsessions develop, autists will drop them, and find something new to obsess with. This drives non-neurodivergent adults crazy. "We spent all this money hoping that you had found your thing with <subject B> and now you never touch it and you're on to <subject C>!" Helping the autist and the parents to understand this is a huge step forward. There are dozens of other things you don't know, that the kid doesn't know how to explain, that are creating stress - and people with autism expertise can help you navigate this. 

The solutions that *you* think will work, Jerry - are as outdated as the solutions I thought would work when I was in your situation. I've done tremendous growing through this experience in understanding autism and its profound impact on a family - and it still can be rough. Autists are *stubborn* and *bullheaded*. They see the word in binary terms. If they get it in their head that A is right and B is wrong - you've got an uphill battle making them see any shades of gray in that belief. But they can't *help* it. They perceive the world differently than us. It is a spectrum, too - so some are very severely developmentally disabled, display these symptoms in hard, easily seen examples - and others are far more able to cope and blend in as regular, normal people. That means there isn't one "how to treat an autist" solution size that fits all autists. That makes it even more difficult. And - they *are* capable of guile, of deception, of manipulation - of using their diagnosis for sympathy or advantage. At least, the very high functioning ones are. The problem is - this can create a "the sky is falling/boy who called wolf" response to the autist - where you misread when they're being genuine and sincere because you've caught them being deceptive in similar, previous examples. 

The best advice you could give your daughter, and son-in-law, is to seek outside help from qualified experts. This is nearly impossible to navigate without experience - and there are lots of organizations that exist to assist. 

Thu Aug 26 2021 15:23:01 MST from Jerry Moore

Hello. I still exist. 

Great advice, but not easily taken and accepted around here. They HAVE tried outside assistance and found the system to be inefficient and unwilling to help, under the pressure of this Covid thing. They have both seen therapists - Tom gave up on therapy, while I think that Michelle is still going, unless she missed two sessions in a row, in which case they drop you from the system and you have to call them and start all over again. The social worker who was supposed to help Landon failed to show up on time, which resulted in my daughter and her husband not being home because of the need to get their kids to school, which is still happening here except for periods of a couple of weeks at a time, when someone has tested positive for Covid. Since each of the kids attend a different school, it's a bit more complicated getting them there and back, and takes both parents working together. Unfortunately, the social worker stopped trying because of the "missed" appointments resulting from the above, and Tom reacted in his usual teenage attitude, with "Fuck them, they're not coming on time and then blaming us!" -  and when Michelle tried to get the system started again, his loud, profane comments in the background when she was on the phone have made things more difficult. I understand your advice, but the problem is really that we're not all on the same page, here. There has been too much hate and mistrust generated, and the resulting attitudes are hard to get around. Landon's attitude and reaction is much like you described, Michelle's is she could do it alone if Tom would just go away, Tom's is authoritarian but weak and laced with profanity, which he is unwilling or unable to control. He acts like he thinks he's God, but has no follow-up except for threats of violence, which upset Michelle and cause immediate arguments. As for me, I've been told by both parents to stay out of it. My daughter and I have an agreement regarding politics, religion and child care to disagree and not talk about it, because we both get upset. I left Layton out because he is the one who seems to be coping with things the best, and not contributing to the problems. Other than Layton, we all seem to be at fault in some way, and we all seem to feel powerless to do anything to make things better. Oh, Layton is in the first grade, this year, and Landon is still in the Head Start program, so both have the opportunity to socialise with kids of their age. I suspect that Landon gets firmer control at school than at home, since he doesn't hit his classmates like he does his brother. At home, Layton sounds off periodically that Landon is pulling his hair or hitting him or trying to bite him. Michelle then talks to Landon, telling him that he shouldn't be hurting his brother, which sometimes results in Landon biting or kicking his mother. I'm just the observer here, unable to do anything but this effort to document things. Of course, it's all from my point of view, so take it as you will.