I adore Russell Brand.  His politics are a little too lefty for my liking but I think that he has the right idea about a lot of stuff.  He's a good guy and I always like watching his videos.

And Brand isn't totally woke. He still thinks that there is some sort of "universal positive energy" solution where we all get over our biases and petty differences and evolve into a higher spiritual place of awareness that gets us through this - that there is some sort of collective answer that empowers us to resist - basically - that the ideals of progressive liberal philosophy must be MORE adopted in order to resist this and that it is a mechanism of the oppressive authoritarian Right that is driving this agenda. 


He CLAIMS he has risen above seeing it as partisan - but as you dig into his videos, he still aligns with the partisan ideology that is being used to advance the very agenda he recognizes and sees as an existential threat to liberty and humankind's independence from oppression. 

So, the cognitive dissonance is still keeping him from fully opening his eyes to where the real threat is. In order to avoid this coming catastrophe, the complete agenda of the Left must ALL be discarded and disregarded, at least temporarily. The Progressive Left kumbahyah love-in is used to force us to comply - to trick us into agreeing with giving up our liberties out of a "sense of global community." That rhetoric has to be stopped - or Davos will achieve their goal. 

He is so close to actually getting it - but he just can't cross that last bridge. 

He isn't just the English version of Motley Crue's Tommy Lee - which is what I always thought of him. 

He is just too - agreeable. I think this is what happened - he was alone, despondent, and afraid during the pandemic. He saw that the side he supports was up to nefarious bullshit and it shattered his core belief system... but instead of accepting that, he expanded it to, "I was right about the WRONG side, I was wrong about the side I thought was RIGHT, and I need to find someone who supports what I believe..." 

So, eventually he found this Indian woman who told him what he wanted to hear, and he latched onto that. 

And it basically comes down to Brand being VERY brilliant compared to the other very pretty people he is around - but, of just a bit better than average intelligence compared to the general population as a whole. He has a lot of insecurity about his intelligence, which is why he gets so pretentious, arrogant and academically intellectual in his language on these kind of issues. He feels like he has a lot to PROVE to be taken seriously, to overcome his pretty face - and he is probably right - but he tends to put it on too thick because of this. He overcompensates so much it goes the other way and damages his credibility. 

Sat May 15 2021 20:56:28 MST from TheDave

I adore Russell Brand.  His politics are a little too lefty for my liking but I think that he has the right idea about a lot of stuff.  He's a good guy and I always like watching his videos.

Mobile apps that promise to save your password and then delete your password with every new app update are the single biggest fuckup going on in the world today - and the person responsible for it should be sodomized eternally by a mature saguaro cactus. 

Recently we all got strange fortune cookies that had a strange kismet to them - and not a necessarily pleasant one - though I think I'm the only one that noticed the sub-context. 

Mine was, "It is worthwhile to pursue true happiness." 

So... anyhow - we just got back from Mexico and a case of food poisoning, and my wife and daughter are both out of town until tomorrow. 

And she has planned a 4 day trip to the Mogollon Rim this weekend. And there is all kinds of shit that has to happen, that is basically impossible for one person who works a full day to do without dedicated their full evening to preparing for these things. 

Which in itself is a little frustrating. But I'm putting the cart before the horse... 

Anyhow, today my boss - an Arizona native, suggested that the problem with heading out of the valley for Labor Day weekend is that EVERYBODY in the valley heads out of the valley for labor day weekend. I noticed that all the long time Arizona natives I know are staying put - having pool parties, and ignoring the rat race up and down some of the steepest, most punishing grades in the nation this weekend. Once you get up there, it is crowded. The lakes are full of people, the camp grounds are full of people, the rest stops and gas stations and everywhere - it is like the entire Phoenix metro area heads up the hill for these holidays. 

So... tonight her parents call me and invite me over to dinner. I don't really have time, but it was a sweet sentiment and I didn't want to refuse. My father-in-law helped me find the right size wrench for the socket to tighten my hitch ball (unfortunately, the socket is too big)... it wasn't a waste of time - and he helped me with things I wouldn't have known what or how to do without his help... so... it worked out - but, fast food and heading over to Firestone might have been the better result. 

So, after that, I went out to the trailer to grab the torque wrench I use to tighten the lugs on the trailer. Couldn't find it. I saw it recently - I just don't remember where. Oh well. So... then I come home. There were a couple of "races" on the way. I tried to call my wife a couple of times - but she is at business dinners being a busy executive and so... anyhow... I'm doing the things I've got to do. 

I get home, not everything is going right with all these things I need to get done - and the wife calls. 

And first she starts telling me stories about how TERRIBLE it was having such a long day having corporate dinners in Oregon and... I dunno... like... she said "Hello" then there was this long pause - like I thought she had gotten disconnected, and then, no... she just launches into this conversation. It was weird. 

But finally we get around to the issues we're going to face tomorrow with her returning and my daughter returning and the other things that need to happen to make her weekend exactly the way she wants it to be - and there are a lot of pieces that aren't coming together for that. 

And she was just... aggressive and antagonistic and confrontational through the entire thing. Like... I told her about racing some guy on a curve, and she got all, "if you get pulled over doing 130 on an Indian reservation..."  

I mean, she was picking fights the entire time - "You would be pissed at ME if you were out of town and I told you I was doing 130 mph on an Indian reservation..." 

Only... 

A: I've been doing far faster than that all my life all over the country and I'm pretty sure that no matter where you get popped doing those kind of speeds, it probably ends up with the speeder calling someone to get them bail... And you know it, and hell, you've been in the car a lot of times taking advantage of the fact that a 6 hour trip to San Diego happens in a hair over 5, maybe under 5. So... that is strange. 

B: You NEVER drive those kinds of speeds, especially in a race, especially on a curvy road - because you're not a speed freak. You get carsick. So... that situation would never happen. 

But then, after kind of doubling down and arguing with me about it and being snippy, she goes, "I was just kidding around anyhow." She does that. It pisses me off.

No - you weren't kidding around. We've been married for 27 years. I know your tone. You were being bitchy and snippy in a totally out of character way. 

She was fighting me about the hitch ball. "Just take it to camping world." 

The camping world that was supposed to have our trailer for a week and ended up having it for over a month, that is always so backed up you wait for a couple of hours just to talk to someone, that put on our hitch WRONG? That camping world? 

"You don't know that will happen." 

Yeah. Surely they'll be wide open leading into Memorial Day Weekend. I'll just waste some MORE fucking time there. 

Then... the conversation about "You know, in the future, this whole labor day weekend thing... everyone goes up there. Maybe we should just stay down here..." 

Turned into this total defensive fucking rant about how we might as well just not camp any weekend all summer long and how I *always* do this before every trip. 

She gaslights. She always has - but it is getting worse and I'm getting way less able to tolerate it. 

The fucking defensiveness about the camping... I mean, basically, I was going, "Why don't we consider, in the future, doing things that are less stressful on the long 4 day holidays..." 

And she got so offended and defensive about it - it is ALREADY fucking stressful and making me NOT WANT TO FUCKING GO. 

When I was young and single - this is the kind of shit where I'd go, "Nope. Fuck you, fuck this thing. If it is this much fucking conflict before we've even begun the actual thing - why would I do the thing? We've established this is going to suck unless everything goes exactly the way you envisioned it, and it isn't, so - I'm out." 

I've literally been on the way over to a chick's house, had her start in with shit like this on the phone, hung up and turned around and gone home. "If I'm not having fun and I'm not there yet, if I haven't arrived and your attitude is already making this experience miserable - if you can't fake it at LEAST until you have me trapped... what kind of idiot would I be to NOT turn around and opt out right now?" 

She didn't used to pull this kind of crap - and that is one reason we ended up married. Now she is starting to pull it fairly frequently - and it is starting to wake that response up in me. 

I hate that shit. The news is gloating that Trump's Blog evidently failed. Like... gloating. They're so consumed with the guy he is still living rent free in their heads. The news is FULL of Trump. 

Why? What exactly are they so afraid of? 
I'm not that consumed with Obama, even though he is probably running the Oval Office by proxy at this point. 

Tue Jun 01 2021 19:30:46 MST from ASCII Express

I finally got around to listening to the Hexagonal Phase, the sixth radio series of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Shortly into the first episode, Zaphod says, "Make the galaxy great again!" They lost me. Why does every fucking comedy have to turn into Trump bashing? I know Zaphod has a similar personality. I know that Douglas Adams wrote a short story entitled Young Zaphod Plays it Safe in which he lambasts then president Reagan. But.......come on! And they had a few more jabs throughout the series, obviously inserted because of the time. The book came out in 2009, the radio show in 2018. They ruined my Hitchhiker's!
I had a weird moment of self reflection. In the story, the Vogons, an evil bureaucracy, take over the Guide to use it for their own purposes. The same thing happened in real life.

Don't panic.

So... the M4 thing got to be... not the thing I had wanted it to be. I don't like when the wife takes it out... especially when she suggests I should take the other cars to work. I do that, I come home, and she goes, "I'm going to get my nails done," and hops into the M every time. It is big, expensive, precious - and not suited to being a daily commuter or a car to run errands in. Used *solely* like that it is, in my opinion, pretentious and a sign of someone going, "I just want this because it is the MOST version of this BMW..." which is part of the audience that is diluting BMWs prestige as a "driver's machine." 

On top of that... my mother-in-law has several times called it "my wife's car". I get it, she is proud that her daughter can buy a top of the line German sports car with her great salary - and my wife insists it is innocent - but I think there is an edge to it. At the very least there is an insensitivity to the fact that I was once making six figures a year as an IT engineer for Intel in a half million dollar estate in California putting her daughter who made $55k a year through a Master's Degree at UCD and the Land Rover Discovery she was driving was *HERS*, not mine, even though she was driving it because she was married to me. 

It gets pissy - at this kind of level. Finally - here is the thing... my salary... it is mine to spend however I want, and I can spend it all every month on bullshit. That way, I'm not eating out of the "family funds". But, my salary, more than covers the M4... so... basically, in a way... I *am* paying for that car. And... our agreement has been that whatever I don't spend every month, even though she makes more in an hour than I make in a day of work, just about - goes toward family debt. I also cashed out all my Intel stocks a couple of years ago, before we had this economic jump - and I *thought* about buying a car for myself - but instead I bought new AC units. So... the AC units are *mine*, the M4 is hers. Which to me, is kind of bullshit. 

Especially when she wouldn't have even known what an M4 was except for because of me. She would be in a Jag or a Range Rover or an X5 or some other shit... IF she had gotten here without our partnership. She might have ended up a housewife with 3 kids in a Ford Explorer Platinum. 

But... I mean, she did pick the M4 so that I would love it, I would enjoy it, I'd like driving in it. She picked a convertible because we love taking drives with the top down - but she wanted a hard top and something without a lot of cabin wind for her. She was trying to compromise - in as much as she could... but... it wasn't MINE. 

So... I figured it out. The M4 was always, from the start - too much for me. Not just money... too much car, too much responsibility, too much the MOST version of that BMW. It was fun initially - but I have to park it way out, I worry about putting road rash on the rims or hitting the curb with the front air dam... I worry about her doing it... 

With everything else... 

We got home from Labor Day weekend camping, and the neighbor said something about, "I  saw your wife's car..." 

And I was just like, I had already been getting there, but I was like... "fuck that car, I'm not driving it any more." 

I feel like it it had been me, I would have gotten her a nice $30-40k car, and another nice $30-40k car for myself, and we both would have had our dream cars. She got a much more expensive car for herself, and it had a lot of things she thought I would like, and like getting to experience - but... it wasn't *my* car. She was talking about maybe getting a Panamera in October and then the M4 would be mine... and who knows - that could still happen... but that is also kind of shitty, I feel. "I get the real nice car now, we get to break it in for a few months, get some door dings, get some wear on it... and then I get an even NICER car in a few months, and you can have the left overs." 

Which, isn't a *terrible* deal, really - being that we can only afford this kind of shit, regardless of if "my" salary pays for it or not, because HER salary pays for *everything* and makes mine a kind of afterthought. I know bitching about this, even if there is truth to what I am saying, sounds terribly fucking indulged and entitled. 

But... I decided - I can spend as much of *my* salary as I want - and a lot of people don't seem to be acknowledging that this is an important part of why we can have such a nice car... So... I'll just take my salary, and buy my OWN nice car - that is a better fit for my income, my comfort level, for me. 

So I did some research and found that the M325i is basically a mini M4, aesthetically and performance wise it is *very* close (and with some aftermarket mods, can skunk the M4). 

I know my wife didn't really do any of this from a place of malice - and maybe no one else did either - maybe it is just me being petty and shallow - but it wasn't working. Instead of being a shared mutual achievement - it *felt* like rubbing my nose in my own career failures - and honestly, the only way to fix that was to show myself, for my OWN sake, what my own career successes allowed ME to buy for myself. Mine is a 2016, it is a little more beat up. ~50k miles. But, it is a little more than HALF of one paycheck - and I've told my wife I want the remainder of my monthly total income after my expenses, when that happens, to go toward this loan and be applied to principal - because I intended to pay it down *quickly*. 

So... part of me feels a little vindicated in that - my money is going to be allotted to ME for a while going forward. I'm not going to be able to go out and buy the new FPGA or an Amiga 4000 or 6 NUCs whenever I want... no more just buying a Synology NAS because I want one but could get by without it. For a while. But also - there is going to be way less of my surplus going to help the family. Now it is HER car - and that ceramic coating means you can't just wash it at the gas station or the car wash - you've got to hand wash it. I've never hand-washed her cars (neither has she) - and I'm not going to start now. If she drives it almost exclusively, it is up to her to keep it clean. Her mom is responsible for that. I'll wash my little M235 myself. The truck can go through a machine wash - but her M4 - she can share the bucket and sponge with me when I'm washing mine. 

Or she can ruin it... she can drive it into the ground like most people who get an M because they want "The Best BMW"... not because they want to DRIVE something incredibly engineered, do. It is true, too. The M series are special cars, and they require a fanaticism of car owner to maintain properly. I had that about my Miata, my 325iC and 328i, my Z3. I didn't have it for the Escalade - which was never *my* car - it was OUR truck.

The trucks are different, in that I just drive them because she wants something that can pull a trailer, and I've been doing that since 2003. When we moved to Ohio, I got the Z3 so that I had *my* car, too. She had an 2007 X5, we had a 2011 Escalade, I had a 97 Z3. That worked. No in-laws around, and people accepted that the Z3 was MINE and the Escalade was the family car. That dynamic was really off here with people thinking the Denali 2500 was *mine* and the M4 was hers and the Z3 was "our" weekend car. I wouldn't have ever owned a big truck if not for her... for her wanting to go to Montana, to go on dirt roads, to tow a house behind them down dirt roads so we could shit in comfort in the woods for a week 100 miles away from everyone. 

I don't dislike that, but it isn't MY dream way to do things. Mine would be to drive an M3 to a rented condo in Tahoe or Yosemite near the majesty of the great outdoors. 

But I think this will work fine. I don't have a REAL M2. I've got a baby-M. It isn't an "M-Sport" package where they just throw M trim on a regular series BMW, though. It has balls - in fact, it is a few 10ths of a second short of the M4 0-60 and in the 1/4 mile - but a little more scary because of the shorter wheel base. The one I have also has a cold air intake and a custom exhaust - which probably gives it an extra 12-18 horsepower - and that alone could make up the difference with how much less weight it carries than the M4. But it won't be as expensive to maintain, it already has imperfections so new ones will upset me, but won't make me feel physically ill. It rates *higher* with almost all *drivers* than the M4 - mostly for the intangible "Miata-like" quality of being a BLAST to drive... and honestly, I love that more than beating EVERY car from green to red. It has an exhaust note that is sometimes MORE fun for the soul than the M4... It has a soft top... I couldn't wait for a manual - they're hard to come by and they get snapped up and this was eating me up in a bad way that wasn't healthy. 

It is kind of ridiculous that my wife tried to buy us a car that was *her* car but that I would love and instead of turning out to be a nice, selfless thing it turned into a kind of wedge, and that the only way to solve it was to go out and buy my own mini version of the same thing - because we don't NEED two of these things in our garage. But at the same time, we do, I guess. It wasn't going to end up well otherwise. 

Every morning I'll get to go out to the garage, get into MY car, drive it to work, without worrying about if she has to go to an appointment or shopping or something else and will only be left with the Z3 or the Denali 2500. If we go to my in-laws, I can take MY car, and my mother-in-law will disapprove and not understand why we got a cheaper version of what we already had - but she won't be able to call it her DAUGHTER'S car. She'll have to acknowledge it is MY car that I am paying for. If there is any malice in her about it, she'll have to be blunt about it, saying, "Well, it is nice that you can afford a car like that because my daughter pays for everything else in your life." 

But... there won't be a bunch of psychological and emotional baggage tied up in me driving this car - because I'm the only signature on the loan, and I'll be trading my sweat for the money that pays that loan. 

I think my father-in-law is savvy. A couple of nights ago we all went out for a family dinner. I suggested we take their car. My wife wanted to take two cars, so my wife, kid and I piled into the M4, they got in their Subaru, and we went over to meet the rest of the family. My daughter got feeling ill, so I drove her home, and I came back in the Z. 

When we were leaving and they noticed, my father-in-law said loudly, "He just wants to show how MANY BMWs he owns!" in a very jovial kind of way. I think he probably understands this from a MAN'S perspective. My biggest bummer about this is I've got to get rid of the Z3. It turned classic next year, I did a two year registration, repainted it, new tires, new trim all around... put probably $5000 into it over the last 5 years, including mechanical fixes - more than $2000 in the last month. That is all kind of wasted money now... that could have been a bigger down payment on this. But... the roadmap changed, and it wasn't a cheap adjustment. 

I recently got a weird fortune in my cookie. It said, "It is not a bad idea to pursue happiness." My wife and kid both got ones too, and theirs were like, "Chinese English Compliments". You know how sometimes your read your fortune and go, "Hey, fuck YOU, Confucius!" Angelina's was really like this. It was basically like, "You're VERY good at what you do." 

Mine seemed like, "Maybe you should do YOU more, and everyone else less." Especially in the context of all 3 of our fortunes. 

Maybe *this* is what it was talking about. 

/rant 

 

 

I take delivery tomorrow night. That is kind of eating me up. I'm excited to have it, for sure. 

And then, the next morning I drive to work in *another*, different, new-to-me BMW. 

The thing is, my boss recently bought a 2014 ZL1 convertible - and it has been a little awkward in that I had access to a car that was far newer, more luxurious and expensive than his dream car, and very similar performance wise. 


Now,  I'll have a car that is... more luxurious, half as expensive, and very similar performance wise - but I think he'll see it as.. a step down for me, not just from what I had but from what he has too... and hopefully he'll see that HE is empowering that as well - and that will be *good*, if I can get him to see it that way. I hope he sees it as me getting a real nice Honda or Toyota or other similar grocery getter with balls, something that a moderately successful young man could afford - an upgrade from a nice VW... which is really what it is. 

The other employees though, are going to be going, "How many fucking BMWs do you own?!?" 

The M3, from the very first iteration - is kind of the pinnacle of BMW design. The M5 is currently kind of the "king" of the M line. 

The M4 we own is a real M - but it is kind of a divisive car in the M series - especially in the cabriolet version. The convertible hard top adds a tremendous amount of weight - the engine doesn't have the exhaust note that BMW enthusiasts expect, and the steering - while remarkable for almost any other brand - is a bit numb for a BMW, especially an M. They pump in synthetic engine noises through the in-cabin speakers - which they got taken apart for. 

Mine, (well, my Wife's) is a 2020, is the last model year of its generation - and I think they improved this remarkably by the end year - and that the convertible actually makes it a more civil car in most cases. But it is considered an M that isn't quite up to M expectations. 

The M235 and M240i on the other hand, are not REAL M cars. They're made by the regular consumer division, not the M division - but using M parts. M cars are designed from the blueprints up by the M division - or Motorsports - using the consumer frames but bolting on custom designed and engineered "track ready components" by teams expert in that kind of tuning. 


The M235/M240 are built by the consumer division, taking parts built by the M team and bolting them onto regular consumer frames. They're less purpose designed. One approach is to take a consumer car and make it a race car, the other is to take a consumer car and put some race car parts on it.

The genuine M cars are pretty ferocious and intimidating to drive. They've got cross-drilled brakes, lots of horse power, big beefy tires, and acceleration that makes really fast cars look and feel slow. 

The M branded consumer line are tamer. Their brakes are less bite-ey, they have improved horsepower, but they're equal to or less powerful than a lot of more "pedestrian brand" cars by Subaru, Kia, and Honda, and they're more forgiving of inexperienced driving, kind of like the Miata. The 2 series is smaller than the 4 or M too... and it makes it a little more enjoyable to drive in heavier, more urban traffic. 

The M235 was kind of recognized in the automotive press as a RETURN to BMWs roots of simply, fun, quick, well handling cars that aren't super luxurious OR necessarily just raw speed that is challenging to control.. 

I'm very cautious about the limits of the M4 - I'm pretty sure it is *more* car than I am driver. It is like putting a competition cart driver in an F1 or F2. 

I feel much more confident in the M235i. I think it is a good balance of car and driver capabilities that is unlikely to get me in over my head. 

In the M4, I feel like I'm suddenly dating a supermodel or celebrity. I'm clearly way out of my league. 

The M235i is just a pretty girl who isn't perfect and who doesn't look out of place on my arm. 

Fri Jun 04 2021 21:11:28 MST from ASCII Express

My brother owns an M3 and loves it. I don't know anything about cars. He drove it more in the suburbs, but in the city it mainly stays in his garage. He works as an engineer so can appreciate it on that level. He doesn't get to drive it as much as he'd like.

Auto makers spend millions on what they call the "exhaust note" for cars aimed at enthusiast audiences. You don't want to drive around in a 600 HP muscle car that sounds like a lawn mower. The sound of a car is one of the most evocative, primal things about the driving experience. 

But the "perfect exhaust note" is a very subjective and intangible moving target. Ferrari, Porsche and BMW are all famous for their very distinct engine and exhaust sounds. 
The normally aspirated inline 6 that BMW is traditionally famous for began to struggle to compete with the V6 engines in Audis in the early 2000s, and BMW eventually compromised by putting their V8 in the M3. While BMW traditionalists frequently balked at this change - it created a generation that came to associate the deep, rumbling, burbling sound a a V8 block with BMW performance. 

Changes in European and US emission laws eventually made BMW re-evaluate this change - and they went back to their basic inline 6 engine on most of the M and consumer grade vehicles - but, in order to compete with the modern horsepower available in fairly "pedestrian" car marquees like Kia, Ford and Subaru - they generally slap twin turbochargers on their engines now, especially the M line. This creates a new problem for BMW - not only have they created a generation demographic that expects a V8 roar from M cars, their return to inline-6 engines sounds entirely different than a traditional normally aspirated inline 6. 

So... they pump artificial audio into the cabin to simulate the exhaust note their audience expects. They're not the only one to do this - although other auto makers often just pipe the ACTUAL sound, amplified, from the exhaust, and allow the option to toggle it on and off. In general, auto-enthusiasts have scoffed at this no matter what manufacturer tries it. BMW has not escaped these criticisms. 

I love the sound of my M4 and my M235i - but I am not positive what I am hearing is what the car *actually* sounds like. I hope it doesn't sound like a Cuisinart on high to other people. I don't think it does - but with the piped in audio, I can't know for sure. 

Thu Jun 10 2021 17:13:51 MST from ASCII Express

Why would they pump in synthetic engine noises? As a non-car person this seems very strange to me. I know my brother's M3 has a feature that raises and lowers the volume on the stereo with the change in the real engine noise. That seemed like a clever feature to me.

My wife did this thing where our 4th of July trip to the Mogollon Rim was cancelled because of fires, so she resceduled a last minute trip to California to visit my relatives in Sacramento, and then stay up with her brother at his house in Tahoe for the 4th of July. 

It sounded good, but I had reservations. When I voiced those, that led to a huge blow out fight where I eventually said "no" to the trip just out  of spite. We worked through that, and I agreed to the trip. 

But after we said yes, my wife let us know that her sister, sister's husband, and 3 kids were all coming to stay too. In a 1600sq. ft  3 bedroom, 1 bath house. Keep in mind, we live in a 3200 sq. ft. 5 bedroom 3 bath house with just 3 people. 

It was fine at first, but as soon as the sister, brother in law, and their kids arrived, it is simply too many people at one house. My daughter is losing her fucking mind, and I'm not super happy. This won't happen again. We had our own lodging in Sacramento visiting my family... I'm not staying at family homes on her side anymore. 

Sun Jul 04 2021 08:40:25 MST from ParanoidDelusions <paranoiddelusions@wallofhate.com> Subject: Bait and Switch

My wife did this thing where our 4th of July trip to the Mogollon Rim was cancelled because of fires, so she resceduled a last minute trip to California to visit my relatives in Sacramento, and then stay up with her brother at his house in Tahoe for the 4th of July. 

It sounded good, but I had reservations. When I voiced those, that led to a huge blow out fight where I eventually said "no" to the trip just out  of spite. We worked through that, and I agreed to the trip. 

But after we said yes, my wife let us know that her sister, sister's husband, and 3 kids were all coming to stay too. In a 1600sq. ft  3 bedroom, 1 bath house. Keep in mind, we live in a 3200 sq. ft. 5 bedroom 3 bath house with just 3 people. 

 

It was fine at first, but as soon as the sister, brother in law, and their kids arrived, it is simply too many people at one house. My daughter is losing her fucking mind, and I'm not super happy. This won't happen again. We had our own lodging in Sacramento visiting my family... I'm not staying at family homes on her side anymore. 

That's a reasonable response, I think.  I spent my 4th of july weekend up at Northstar in a cabin we found on AirBNB, playing D&D with my Sacramento crew.  It was a great weekend and we decided to make it an annual event.  Next year is Catalina Island if we can manage that.  It helps that we're all adults who like each other and don't make little kid levels of noise.

It wasn't the *kids* who made it unbearable, though. :)

Yeah - we've had several discussions about it since then - one recently on this weekend's vacation. My wife's argument this time was, "My family can't afford to all stay in separate hotel rooms,"

And my response was, "But we can, and we don't need to suffer just because they do. We can go visit them at the place they stay, for as long as necessary, and have our own private place to return to."

It is pretty final for me - for my daughter, at this point. We won't accept it again.

Wed Sep 22 2021 03:43:25 MST from TheDave Subject: Re: Bait and Switch

 

Sun Jul 04 2021 08:40:25 MST from ParanoidDelusions <paranoiddelusions@wallofhate.com> Subject: Bait and Switch

My wife did this thing where our 4th of July trip to the Mogollon Rim was cancelled because of fires, so she resceduled a last minute trip to California to visit my relatives in Sacramento, and then stay up with her brother at his house in Tahoe for the 4th of July. 

It sounded good, but I had reservations. When I voiced those, that led to a huge blow out fight where I eventually said "no" to the trip just out  of spite. We worked through that, and I agreed to the trip. 

But after we said yes, my wife let us know that her sister, sister's husband, and 3 kids were all coming to stay too. In a 1600sq. ft  3 bedroom, 1 bath house. Keep in mind, we live in a 3200 sq. ft. 5 bedroom 3 bath house with just 3 people. 

 

It was fine at first, but as soon as the sister, brother in law, and their kids arrived, it is simply too many people at one house. My daughter is losing her fucking mind, and I'm not super happy. This won't happen again. We had our own lodging in Sacramento visiting my family... I'm not staying at family homes on her side anymore. 

That's a reasonable response, I think.  I spent my 4th of july weekend up at Northstar in a cabin we found on AirBNB, playing D&D with my Sacramento crew.  It was a great weekend and we decided to make it an annual event.  Next year is Catalina Island if we can manage that.  It helps that we're all adults who like each other and don't make little kid levels of noise.

Mon Sep 27 2021 12:11:54 MST from ParanoidDelusions <paranoiddelusions@wallofhate.com> Subject: Re: Bait and Switch

It wasn't the *kids* who made it unbearable, though. :)

Yeah - we've had several discussions about it since then - one recently on this weekend's vacation. My wife's argument this time was, "My family can't afford to all stay in separate hotel rooms,"

And my response was, "But we can, and we don't need to suffer just because they do. We can go visit them at the place they stay, for as long as necessary, and have our own private place to return to."

It is pretty final for me - for my daughter, at this point. We won't accept it again.

I think if everyone wants to share a space that's fine and they shouldn't get mad at people who want a little more quiet than they do, but people also enjoy getting mad about trivial bullshit, so I don't know what to tell you lol

Quiet is just... the symptom. Isolation is what my kid and I want. When my wife is out of town... my daughter and I will spend maybe 10 minutes outside talking at the start of the day, then have dinner and watch a 30 minute show, and the rest of the time, we both spend it in our rooms. We'll do that for two weeks straight. However long the wife is out of town. She is stoked when everyone is leaving and she'll have the house to herself, I am the same. 

That is what we couldn't get. Time without ANY other people near us. People don't believe I'm an introvert. I drove my wife to the airport this morning. I haven't left the house since I got back. I'll have to eventually - but I won't do it until I have to. 

Tue Oct 05 2021 04:14:16 MST from TheDave Subject: Re: Bait and Switch

 

Mon Sep 27 2021 12:11:54 MST from ParanoidDelusions <paranoiddelusions@wallofhate.com> Subject: Re: Bait and Switch

It wasn't the *kids* who made it unbearable, though. :)

Yeah - we've had several discussions about it since then - one recently on this weekend's vacation. My wife's argument this time was, "My family can't afford to all stay in separate hotel rooms,"

And my response was, "But we can, and we don't need to suffer just because they do. We can go visit them at the place they stay, for as long as necessary, and have our own private place to return to."

It is pretty final for me - for my daughter, at this point. We won't accept it again.

I think if everyone wants to share a space that's fine and they shouldn't get mad at people who want a little more quiet than they do, but people also enjoy getting mad about trivial bullshit, so I don't know what to tell you lol

Tue Oct 05 2021 20:11:23 MST from ParanoidDelusions <paranoiddelusions@wallofhate.com> Subject: Re: Bait and Switch

Quiet is just... the symptom. Isolation is what my kid and I want. When my wife is out of town... my daughter and I will spend maybe 10 minutes outside talking at the start of the day, then have dinner and watch a 30 minute show, and the rest of the time, we both spend it in our rooms. We'll do that for two weeks straight. However long the wife is out of town. She is stoked when everyone is leaving and she'll have the house to herself, I am the same. 

That is what we couldn't get. Time without ANY other people near us. People don't believe I'm an introvert. I drove my wife to the airport this morning. I haven't left the house since I got back. I'll have to eventually - but I won't do it until I have to. 

 

I totally understand this.  Quiet is the code word that means "get the fuck out so I can do the dishes nude and take a shower with the door open".  My roommate needs actual quiet to sleep, which sucks for me because getting a snack out of the fridge will wake him up.  I'm thinking of investing in that noise cancelling foam block stuff they use for music recording places just so I can be a human at 3am.

I've got all the blinds drawn and I've been walking around in my underwear all week long. I've warned my in-laws - if you drop by... call before you come or knock first before you let yourself in, unless you want to see the reason your daughter *really* married me. It wasn't for the money or my wit and charm... ;) 

Wed Oct 06 2021 16:19:31 MST from TheDave Subject: Re: Bait and Switch

 

Tue Oct 05 2021 20:11:23 MST from ParanoidDelusions <paranoiddelusions@wallofhate.com> Subject: Re: Bait and Switch

Quiet is just... the symptom. Isolation is what my kid and I want. When my wife is out of town... my daughter and I will spend maybe 10 minutes outside talking at the start of the day, then have dinner and watch a 30 minute show, and the rest of the time, we both spend it in our rooms. We'll do that for two weeks straight. However long the wife is out of town. She is stoked when everyone is leaving and she'll have the house to herself, I am the same. 

That is what we couldn't get. Time without ANY other people near us. People don't believe I'm an introvert. I drove my wife to the airport this morning. I haven't left the house since I got back. I'll have to eventually - but I won't do it until I have to. 

 

I totally understand this.  Quiet is the code word that means "get the fuck out so I can do the dishes nude and take a shower with the door open".  My roommate needs actual quiet to sleep, which sucks for me because getting a snack out of the fridge will wake him up.  I'm thinking of investing in that noise cancelling foam block stuff they use for music recording places just so I can be a human at 3am.

Thu Oct 07 2021 17:14:14 MST from ParanoidDelusions <paranoiddelusions@wallofhate.com> Subject: Re: Bait and Switch

I've got all the blinds drawn and I've been walking around in my underwear all week long. I've warned my in-laws - if you drop by... call before you come or knock first before you let yourself in, unless you want to see the reason your daughter *really* married me. It wasn't for the money or my wit and charm... ;) 

 

That sounds like blessed freedom to me.  I live in my boxer briefs whenever possible.  I'll throw on clothes when I must, but the nice thing about AZ is that you really don't need clothes to be comfortable.