People are complete pieces of shit. 

I take that back. People are simply frequently disappointing and bordering on being complete pieces of shit. 

My daughter's birthday was yesterday. She invited 3 people. They were supposed to show around 2. I was over at a friend's for a pool party, but came back because I was... nervous. Anyhow, by 2:30 no one was here, so I hung around trying to make her feel better, and talking progressively MORE shit about her flaky ass friends, until shortly after 3 PM when the one friend, a TG boy (so, biological girl) showed up. He had the BEST excuse, having parents who were like, "I don't care what is going on with your friend, you're going to finish all of your chores (this is a 20 year old who lives at home... but... whatever...) and so actually redeemed himself by being the FIRST one to show up. 

The other one did show up when he (also a biological girl) said he would. Asian kid. Really nice. 

The last one - is kinda a piece of shit. 

And - there was more drama to this, a previous party that a mutual friend who is a total piece of shit, and her polyamorous fiancé, and their moody, emo friend created a bunch of bullshit at the birthday party of the TG who was the FIRST to show up at my daughter's birthday party. 

I generally like this first kid - despite his baggage. He seems like a genuine person, and he is actually... his transition actually makes sense. 

The Asian kid - I'm not so sure of. He is growing his hair out and I think has maybe grown out of it as a phase. 

The 3rd kid is just... I dunno... flaky. 

And the other 3 were absolutely pieces of shit. Anyhow, it got salvaged, and my daughter ended up having a good day. That is what matters. 

Sat Jun 12 2021 14:46:55 MST from ParanoidDelusions <paranoiddelusions@wallofhate.com>

People are complete pieces of shit. 

 

I'm finding that a lot of people--even people of whom I would have never suspected this--actually have no ethical system. They're leaves on the wind of their emotions. They're literally living life according to their instincts and nothing more. They haven't decided aforehand what is right, or wrong and why. These people don't have a reason to show up to a friend's party. If it wasn't convenient or compelling, they did whatever their psyche dictated in the moment instead. 

People are selfish, self-obsessed, and oblivious. We're back to my 80/20 rule and the three housewives gossiping in the middle of an aisle at the supermarket who act offended that you want them to get out of the way. They're also the same people who make you miss your left turn light because they're browsing their text messages at the stop. 

The root of all evil in the world. The Chinese should develop a virus that seeks out and destroys the people like this. Of course, the Chinese are among the *worst* in the *world* at this behavior. For a society with thousands of years of collectivist history - they're so much worse than the Japanese at being self-aware and extending common courtesy to others. They have no concept of forming a queue, for example. 

But yeah, it comes down to having a basic ethical system that you're at least semi-consistent in applying. I've even had this problem with my wife, where I was going to do something for some person, extend some courtesy, and she said, "why would you do that for them? They wouldn't do the same for you..." 

That is exactly why. Because how they conduct themselves isn't material to how I feel about *myself*. How *I* conduct myself is material to how I feel about *myself*. 

I'm not *always* ethnical in this regard. But if I'm not being ethical, don't question if I'm just oblivious or unaware - I'm ABSOLUTELY doing it intentionally and with malice. If I do something that makes you feel slighted - the odds are it is on purpose. 

Sun Jun 13 2021 22:44:02 MST from Wangiss <wangiss@wallofhate.com>

I'm finding that a lot of people--even people of whom I would have never suspected this--actually have no ethical system. They're leaves on the wind of their emotions. They're literally living life according to their instincts and nothing more. They haven't decided aforehand what is right, or wrong and why. These people don't have a reason to show up to a friend's party. If it wasn't convenient or compelling, they did whatever their psyche dictated in the moment instead. 

Today my wife is angry that the kids didn't pack for vacation enough. Does anger help? No. But I was angry at her for being mean to the kids. So I ask myself: does anger help? No. So I get out of that useless rut and move on. If I suggest the same to her, she loses it.

Why can I tell some people they're overreacting (including myself) and they consider it while some other people just go even more ballistic? I think it's a lack of abstraction. There's an ideal self I can compare myself to. One who's not overreacting or not being rude or who is focused on the task at hand. When I compare myself to that person I find it inspiring (unless I'm in a depression in which case it's enervating). When some people encounter that version of the self it's some kind of insult.

The more I thought about this BMW thing - especially after buying my own, and loving it - the more I saw it as a potential learning moment for us as a couple. The truth is, we could have gotten TWO *very nice* BMWs for what we paid for the M4 alone - and it would have been a *better* purchase. But we were blinded by so many other things going into it. And the truth of it was that it was kind of her fault. She set her sites on the M4 for some bad reasons. 

1 - She wanted the "best" BMW she could have - and because an M is frequently the *most expensive* of a BMW line, and the one *driving enthusiasts* want - she thought that is what an M was. But... a loaded 8 series costs more than anything else than an M8... 

2 - She wanted my "buy in" on the purchase - so she also figured buying an M was a concession to me - because I would have *access* to an M series any time I wanted one. 

But... just because it is the most expensive M on the lot - as a driving *enthusiast* - doesn't mean I would want it as my daily driver. For example... the M4 GT3 is the *most* expensive M4 you can buy. 

https://www.bmw-motorsport.com/en/topics/bmw-m-motorsport/race-cars/bmw-m4-gt3.html

And buying one of those intending to use it as a daily driver would be ridiculous. It is a *track car*. Buying a regular M as a grocery getter and daily commuter is ridiculous for most people - if they're not enthusiasts. Much the way MOST people don't carry a sidearm with them every time they go out - but they might own a gun... or any of a thousand other examples - people go and buy the most expensive GAMING computer they can get to do Excel reports on - and not only are they paying too much and will *never* tap the potential of those things they paid extra for - but there are probably some ways that more expensive machine is *worse* for what *they* want to do. 

3 - We got into this competitive mode with our circle of friends, who have McLarens and ZL1 Camaros and kind of lost site of buying what WE wanted instead of buying something "as good or better" than what our friends wanted. 

But if we had gone in and bought two BMWs with the same total price tag as the single M4 at the same time... we would have gotten treated just as well by the BMW staff. Maybe better. There aren't lots of people who show up at the dealership to buy "his and hers" BMWs in one purchase. It would have been the same sort of "social flex" as far as a display of affluence and prestige either way. 

And the biggest mistake was a mistake in not understanding me. Someone else asked me "why does it matter if you share?" I responded. Imagine you buy a pair of shoes, special, expensive shoes, that are tailored to some activity that YOU do with *passion*. They're one of the most DESIRED pair of shoes by people who share your passion. Your wife doesn't share that passion, really at all. Then she goes out and buys that pair of shoes and tells you she bought them "with you in mind," but... it turns out she doesn't want you to use them very often, and really thinks of those shoes as hers - and expects you to "share" those shoes. You want the shoes to fit YOUR footprint - and they never will if she is wearing them to go running or just for walks around the neighborhood when they're really dancing shoes. 

So... there is a lot to unwrap here - but I think it is important that we discuss and learn from these choices, and how some of them weren't the best choice. 

And I tried... and she just got hostile - and wouldn't hear what I was trying to say - and kept shooting me back accusatory questions that were so far off the point it was clear she wasn't getting it. She said "You are ruining this car for us..." 

No. You ruined the car for us. Sorry. I didn't say that, though. What would it have helped. But it is like buying something someone totally wants - you know how important it is to them - and then going, "but... I'll share it with you - but it is still MINE." 

She could have simply put the hammer down any time that came up and gone, "Pshaw - MY car? That is ridiculous. Why would I buy a car like this for myself? I'd buy a more luxurious, more executive, less boy-racer car if it were for MYSELF. This is my HUSBAND'S car." But... her ego and pride wouldn't let her... because... it is a very expensive, very fancy car... and she wanted that affirmation, "I bought it, I replaced MY car with it... it is MY car." 

The TRUCK has never been "our" car. It isn't her vision of herself. It is MY car, even though it isn't at ALL my vision of MYSELF either. She didn't mind letting people think THAT car was mine. But I bet if it were an $80k Land Rover - she would have felt differently about  that. 

And so my solution became easy and apparent. I had to buy my OWN car that would make me happy. I never made it to nearly new BMW M4... but honestly - I'm more of a 50k mile M235i guy anyhow. It fits everything about me WAY better. 

And that hurts her and makes her feel like this thing she did... I dunno... I can't figure it out. But... it wasn't actually MY fault, and it wasn't really about my ego... and it was so easy to solve from the start. Now we've got an M4 that I almost never drive, because I'd rather drive my M235i. No. We don't. *I* do. I bought it, I'm paying for it. It is *mine*. Hers is hers - which is part of why I don't like to drive it. 

I suggested she would be happier in a 5 or 7 series or some other more EXECUTIVE but practical BMW... she is now talking about maybe buying a new M5... at which point the M4 would get handed down to me. I don't think she actually has HEARD what I am saying. The M5 is more of a monster than the M4... and about $30,000 more new than the M4. Like the M4 GT3 - I don't really want an M5 - because it is FAR more car than I will ever *drive*. I might commute in one - but it'll never get DRIVEN to its limits. 

So the last part - honestly and sincerely, I was trying to have a conversation about, "how can we, as a team avoid making mistakes like this if we continue to climb in affluence because of YOUR career?" But instead what I got was, "you're ruining this thing for us," and questions that were really just fishing for a conflict. There was no good way to answer them. Finally, I just stopped responding to those trolls - I can't remember how it was going, but I was like, "That isn't what this is about, I don't know how to answer it - I'm just going to go back to the point I was trying to make..." and it KIND of worked. At the same time, some of those answers to those questions *were* important to the discussion - I have to be able to address the mistakes *she* made and *why* she made them, in order for us to see where this thing that should have been good turned out... not as good as it could have been. 

And I think you're on the right track. The ideal of her self - she came *close* during this - and I think she knows she didn't quite pull it off... and I think she knows my actions reveal that to everyone. That buying my own diminishes her kind of having her cake and eating it too with driving around in this top end BMW sports car and getting to also claim, "I did it for selfless reasons, because my husband so enjoys driving my car..." 

But me going out and getting my own pulled the rug out from under THAT notion. "No. He clearly did not, or he wouldn't have bought his own." 

And that part is on her. 

But... not seeing that we were both caught up, and for selfish reasons - is on *me* too. I ended up excited about driving an M4 after the first test drive, and couldn't see *any* other option - and saw it as *mine*. We weren't communicating clearly our expectations on this. It wasn't until afterwards, and until it had started to sour on me because of comments people were making, including her - after that getting so bad that I decided I *needed* to resolve it by getting my own, and paying for it myself, on my own loan, so there wasn't *any* fucking question whose car it was... that the more obvious answer appeared to me. 

If we had done this right, I could have had a newer M240i with less miles, or even an M2 - and she could have had a loaded 550, 750 or 650 or 850 - and it would have been around the same price - and they would have been GREAT cars for us, and there wouldn't have ever been any "whose car is whose" issues and we BOTH would have been super excited with our new Bimmers. Instead, it became a pretty expensive trainwreck and a super car that is actually hardly getting driven at all except for quick trips to the grocery and the nail salon. Which is *totally* offensive to me - I mean, I see OTHER people doing the same thing - and I go, "what fucking morons," and always have... 

And now it is *us* that are the total fucking morons. I'd like to learn from that. But no matter how I try to approach it - it only causes her to get angrier. 

So yeah - I found the solution I can live with. Anyone who *knows* about these cars and sees me willingly taking the M235 instead of the M4 day after day - understands implicitly what that says without saying it. But honestly, I don't really care what they think or know about it... 

The baby M is actually just about perfect for me and the M4 is less so, in all honesty. It is affirming that LOTS of industry journalists have acknowledged basically the same thing - and most of them consider the M235i the first BMW in a long time that really has the SPIRIT that BMW drivers want. The M240 and M2 even more so... BMW hit the sweet spot for the "Ultimate Driving Machine" motto with the 2 series - after missing that mark with the M line for a long time before, and after, the introduction of the 2 series. 

So... anyhow... yeah. This is the first time I've been able to verbalize it without so much... venom here... but, it should have been a high point of our relationship - and it actually put a TON of strain on it and gave me a clearer understanding of the sacrifices I made helping us get here, and what my expectations are on where I am in line to enjoy the rewards of the success resulting in part from those sacrifices. That is what it is. Bottom line, is I can afford to buy myself a very nice, low mileage M235i without any concern - and... that is more success than I *ever* had any reason to expect I would achieve in life. It was hard to get my mind focused on the "what *I* have" thankfulness instead of the "what *she* got herself," bitterness... 


But I'm pretty over that now. 

 

Wed Jun 16 2021 10:56:40 MST from Wangiss <wangiss@wallofhate.com>

Today my wife is angry that the kids didn't pack for vacation enough. Does anger help? No. But I was angry at her for being mean to the kids. So I ask myself: does anger help? No. So I get out of that useless rut and move on. If I suggest the same to her, she loses it.

Why can I tell some people they're overreacting (including myself) and they consider it while some other people just go even more ballistic? I think it's a lack of abstraction. There's an ideal self I can compare myself to. One who's not overreacting or not being rude or who is focused on the task at hand. When I compare myself to that person I find it inspiring (unless I'm in a depression in which case it's enervating). When some people encounter that version of the self it's some kind of insult.

As a matter of fact, we went out to check on the in-laws house tonight, and we took the M4 - in part because it has hardly gotten driven in the last couple of weeks. I'm not going to deny that it is a fun car to drive - and it feels more... um... substantial and secure and confident at higher speeds... 

But it isn't as *engaging* to drive. It isn't as thrilling and fun. It isn't as *raw*. 

It is Master of Puppets, and mine is Ride the Lightning - maybe Kill 'em All. You would have to be a Metallica fan to understand what that means - but... hers is overproduced and polished, mine is raw and a little rougher around the edges. 

But anyhow... what all that was about was... I agree with your approach. Her anger causing you to get angry doesn't make anything get better. The most you can do is control your response to whatever she is doing so that it affects you the least negatively possible - and hope that she comes around. You can nudge in that direction, but doing it by being your ideal self is usually going to be more effective than resorting to being your basest self. 

It's not a certain race or type of people that happen to be the problem. It's that PEOPLE in general are the problem. Why do you think that the smartest AI bots that we have developed so far arrive at a primary objective to destroy mankind? The earth was a nice garden before we showed up. I am not a prophet so please do not start an organized religion based on my views of evolution:

Dad was a primate. 

Mom was a space traveller, but from somewhere else. 

It really does explain a lot. Angst, self destructive behavior, internal conflict, the search for a more advanced creator...

Think about it. Just don't think too hard about it. 

Mon Jun 14 2021 06:35:28 MST from ParanoidDelusions <paranoiddelusions@wallofhate.com>

People are selfish, self-obsessed, and oblivious. We're back to my 80/20 rule and the three housewives gossiping in the middle of an aisle at the supermarket who act offended that you want them to get out of the way. They're also the same people who make you miss your left turn light because they're browsing their text messages at the stop. 

The root of all evil in the world. The Chinese should develop a virus that seeks out and destroys the people like this. Of course, the Chinese are among the *worst* in the *world* at this behavior. For a society with thousands of years of collectivist history - they're so much worse than the Japanese at being self-aware and extending common courtesy to others. They have no concept of forming a queue, for example. 

But yeah, it comes down to having a basic ethical system that you're at least semi-consistent in applying. I've even had this problem with my wife, where I was going to do something for some person, extend some courtesy, and she said, "why would you do that for them? They wouldn't do the same for you..." 

That is exactly why. Because how they conduct themselves isn't material to how I feel about *myself*. How *I* conduct myself is material to how I feel about *myself*. 

I'm not *always* ethnical in this regard. But if I'm not being ethical, don't question if I'm just oblivious or unaware - I'm ABSOLUTELY doing it intentionally and with malice. If I do something that makes you feel slighted - the odds are it is on purpose. 

Sun Jun 13 2021 22:44:02 MST from Wangiss <wangiss@wallofhate.com>

I'm finding that a lot of people--even people of whom I would have never suspected this--actually have no ethical system. They're leaves on the wind of their emotions. They're literally living life according to their instincts and nothing more. They haven't decided aforehand what is right, or wrong and why. These people don't have a reason to show up to a friend's party. If it wasn't convenient or compelling, they did whatever their psyche dictated in the moment instead. 

 

I have had BMWs, Land Rovers and Mercedes Benzeses. One day, it dawned on me that I was buying cars that looked good waxed and polished, and are great to hand over the keys to valet while eating at overpriced restaurants. What dawned on me is that shit breaks on these cars that never break on other cars. I ALMOST bought a Porsche and then a lightbulb lit up in my head. Instead I bought a laundromat. I think if I were 20 years younger I would have bought something that was an expense instead of a revenue generator. Fuck. Getting old sucks.

Wed Jun 16 2021 18:35:25 MST from ParanoidDelusions <paranoiddelusions@wallofhate.com>

The more I thought about this BMW thing - especially after buying my own, and loving it - the more I saw it as a potential learning moment for us as a couple. 

Wed Jun 16 2021 21:43:22 MST from smashbot64

I ALMOST bought a Porsche and then a lightbulb lit up in my head. Instead I bought a laundromat. I think if I were 20 years younger I would have bought something that was an expense instead of a revenue generator. Fuck. Getting old sucks.

 

Ah, a man of wisdom.  I just bought my girl a refrigerator because she didn't own one and food spoils rapidly in Cambodia.  Anyone know a good immigration attorney so I can get her over here?

Yeah, but if you listen to the old scriptural texts, myths and other narratives that describe the cloudy memory of pre-human society on Earth... 

It wasn't the MONKEYS that we got the angst, self-destructive behavior, and internal conflict from... 

That came from Mom's side. 

Wed Jun 16 2021 21:30:04 MST from smashbot64

It's not a certain race or type of people that happen to be the problem. It's that PEOPLE in general are the problem. Why do you think that the smartest AI bots that we have developed so far arrive at a primary objective to destroy mankind? The earth was a nice garden before we showed up. I am not a prophet so please do not start an organized religion based on my views of evolution:

Dad was a primate. 

Mom was a space traveller, but from somewhere else. 

It really does explain a lot. Angst, self destructive behavior, internal conflict, the search for a more advanced creator...

Think about it. Just don't think too hard about it. 

Mon Jun 14 2021 06:35:28 MST from ParanoidDelusions <paranoiddelusions@wallofhate.com>

People are selfish, self-obsessed, and oblivious. We're back to my 80/20 rule and the three housewives gossiping in the middle of an aisle at the supermarket who act offended that you want them to get out of the way. They're also the same people who make you miss your left turn light because they're browsing their text messages at the stop. 

The root of all evil in the world. The Chinese should develop a virus that seeks out and destroys the people like this. Of course, the Chinese are among the *worst* in the *world* at this behavior. For a society with thousands of years of collectivist history - they're so much worse than the Japanese at being self-aware and extending common courtesy to others. They have no concept of forming a queue, for example. 

But yeah, it comes down to having a basic ethical system that you're at least semi-consistent in applying. I've even had this problem with my wife, where I was going to do something for some person, extend some courtesy, and she said, "why would you do that for them? They wouldn't do the same for you..." 

That is exactly why. Because how they conduct themselves isn't material to how I feel about *myself*. How *I* conduct myself is material to how I feel about *myself*. 

I'm not *always* ethnical in this regard. But if I'm not being ethical, don't question if I'm just oblivious or unaware - I'm ABSOLUTELY doing it intentionally and with malice. If I do something that makes you feel slighted - the odds are it is on purpose. 

Sun Jun 13 2021 22:44:02 MST from Wangiss <wangiss@wallofhate.com>

I'm finding that a lot of people--even people of whom I would have never suspected this--actually have no ethical system. They're leaves on the wind of their emotions. They're literally living life according to their instincts and nothing more. They haven't decided aforehand what is right, or wrong and why. These people don't have a reason to show up to a friend's party. If it wasn't convenient or compelling, they did whatever their psyche dictated in the moment instead. 

 

 

You acknowledge mom's side.

Thu Jun 17 2021 06:49:58 MST from ParanoidDelusions <paranoiddelusions@wallofhate.com>

Yeah, but if you listen to the old scriptural texts, myths and other narratives that describe the cloudy memory of pre-human society on Earth... 

It wasn't the MONKEYS that we got the angst, self-destructive behavior, and internal conflict from... 

That came from Mom's side. 

 

Wed Jun 16 2021 21:30:04 MST from smashbot64

It's not a certain race or type of people that happen to be the problem. It's that PEOPLE in general are the problem. Why do you think that the smartest AI bots that we have developed so far arrive at a primary objective to destroy mankind? The earth was a nice garden before we showed up. I am not a prophet so please do not start an organized religion based on my views of evolution:

Dad was a primate. 

Mom was a space traveller, but from somewhere else. 

It really does explain a lot. Angst, self destructive behavior, internal conflict, the search for a more advanced creator...

Think about it. Just don't think too hard about it. 

Mon Jun 14 2021 06:35:28 MST from ParanoidDelusions <paranoiddelusions@wallofhate.com>

People are selfish, self-obsessed, and oblivious. We're back to my 80/20 rule and the three housewives gossiping in the middle of an aisle at the supermarket who act offended that you want them to get out of the way. They're also the same people who make you miss your left turn light because they're browsing their text messages at the stop. 

The root of all evil in the world. The Chinese should develop a virus that seeks out and destroys the people like this. Of course, the Chinese are among the *worst* in the *world* at this behavior. For a society with thousands of years of collectivist history - they're so much worse than the Japanese at being self-aware and extending common courtesy to others. They have no concept of forming a queue, for example. 

But yeah, it comes down to having a basic ethical system that you're at least semi-consistent in applying. I've even had this problem with my wife, where I was going to do something for some person, extend some courtesy, and she said, "why would you do that for them? They wouldn't do the same for you..." 

That is exactly why. Because how they conduct themselves isn't material to how I feel about *myself*. How *I* conduct myself is material to how I feel about *myself*. 

I'm not *always* ethnical in this regard. But if I'm not being ethical, don't question if I'm just oblivious or unaware - I'm ABSOLUTELY doing it intentionally and with malice. If I do something that makes you feel slighted - the odds are it is on purpose. 

Sun Jun 13 2021 22:44:02 MST from Wangiss <wangiss@wallofhate.com>

I'm finding that a lot of people--even people of whom I would have never suspected this--actually have no ethical system. They're leaves on the wind of their emotions. They're literally living life according to their instincts and nothing more. They haven't decided aforehand what is right, or wrong and why. These people don't have a reason to show up to a friend's party. If it wasn't convenient or compelling, they did whatever their psyche dictated in the moment instead. 

 

 

 

I forget what god they bow to over there. I just spent half an hour looking for a lamp to rub.

Thu Jun 17 2021 05:14:09 MST from TheDave

 

Wed Jun 16 2021 21:43:22 MST from smashbot64

I ALMOST bought a Porsche and then a lightbulb lit up in my head. Instead I bought a laundromat. I think if I were 20 years younger I would have bought something that was an expense instead of a revenue generator. Fuck. Getting old sucks.

 

 

Ah, a man of wisdom.  I just bought my girl a refrigerator because she didn't own one and food spoils rapidly in Cambodia.  Anyone know a good immigration attorney so I can get her over here?

OH THATS ANOTHER THING i am trying to add to citadel. Recall/edit last posted message. The inability to edit a posted message (with an audit trail of course) JUST DOESNT work in the days where we are not using devices styled after TYPEWRITERS WITH CORRECTION TAPE.

Thats another citadel add-on module I am working on: an EDIT button that appears only to the orig poster. To whomever wrote this citadel and webcit thing... do you have ANY idea how difficult it is to retroactively implement a message edit feature that doesnt break the shit out of the whole goddamn bbs? I am starting to think it just might take far less time to port over the citadel code to php and mysql or even mongodb and just leave little feeder fingers for the text cit client. To be honest, the architecture is great. However... I want to use modern tools to develop this further. Maybe someone wants to join me and fork the code. I I wish I had the knowledge I have now but at age 14 with zero to no real life responsibilities. I would have stayed awake a whole week to release it.

I am mom's side manifest. 

;) 

Tue Jun 22 2021 22:52:24 MST from smashbot64

You acknowledge mom's side.

Thu Jun 17 2021 06:49:58 MST from ParanoidDelusions <paranoiddelusions@wallofhate.com>

Yeah, but if you listen to the old scriptural texts, myths and other narratives that describe the cloudy memory of pre-human society on Earth... 

It wasn't the MONKEYS that we got the angst, self-destructive behavior, and internal conflict from... 

That came from Mom's side. 

 

Wed Jun 16 2021 21:30:04 MST from smashbot64

It's not a certain race or type of people that happen to be the problem. It's that PEOPLE in general are the problem. Why do you think that the smartest AI bots that we have developed so far arrive at a primary objective to destroy mankind? The earth was a nice garden before we showed up. I am not a prophet so please do not start an organized religion based on my views of evolution:

Dad was a primate. 

Mom was a space traveller, but from somewhere else. 

It really does explain a lot. Angst, self destructive behavior, internal conflict, the search for a more advanced creator...

Think about it. Just don't think too hard about it. 

Mon Jun 14 2021 06:35:28 MST from ParanoidDelusions <paranoiddelusions@wallofhate.com>

People are selfish, self-obsessed, and oblivious. We're back to my 80/20 rule and the three housewives gossiping in the middle of an aisle at the supermarket who act offended that you want them to get out of the way. They're also the same people who make you miss your left turn light because they're browsing their text messages at the stop. 

The root of all evil in the world. The Chinese should develop a virus that seeks out and destroys the people like this. Of course, the Chinese are among the *worst* in the *world* at this behavior. For a society with thousands of years of collectivist history - they're so much worse than the Japanese at being self-aware and extending common courtesy to others. They have no concept of forming a queue, for example. 

But yeah, it comes down to having a basic ethical system that you're at least semi-consistent in applying. I've even had this problem with my wife, where I was going to do something for some person, extend some courtesy, and she said, "why would you do that for them? They wouldn't do the same for you..." 

That is exactly why. Because how they conduct themselves isn't material to how I feel about *myself*. How *I* conduct myself is material to how I feel about *myself*. 

I'm not *always* ethnical in this regard. But if I'm not being ethical, don't question if I'm just oblivious or unaware - I'm ABSOLUTELY doing it intentionally and with malice. If I do something that makes you feel slighted - the odds are it is on purpose. 

Sun Jun 13 2021 22:44:02 MST from Wangiss <wangiss@wallofhate.com>

I'm finding that a lot of people--even people of whom I would have never suspected this--actually have no ethical system. They're leaves on the wind of their emotions. They're literally living life according to their instincts and nothing more. They haven't decided aforehand what is right, or wrong and why. These people don't have a reason to show up to a friend's party. If it wasn't convenient or compelling, they did whatever their psyche dictated in the moment instead. 

 

 

 

 

Ok, you bastards, you can't all just lurk - it costs me $15 a month minimum to keep this thing up. 


If you don't use it to post your ideas, your thoughts, your opinions... your pictures, whatever... 

I don't know that I can justify that. 

And I can't do it all myself. When I burn out, you've got to carry it until I find my voice again. 

Seriously. 

It isn't MY personal pulpit as opposition to big social media. 

It is me trying to give YOU *yours*. 

Took the kids to summer camp. Totally life-changing for the 14-, 12-, and 11-year-old kids. It's their first time without their parents while not staying with family (e.g. Grandma). Such a crazy experience.

PD, thanks for the recap about the car and relating it back to my thing. It's weird to be 38 and start to understand what wise men were trying to tell me all along. It's beautiful and also pisses me off, lol.

This gets *really* real over the next 13 years - in my experience... although, you seem like an old soul, so maybe you're just arriving at enlightenment more quickly than I did. 

My wife is in this really weird place. She is really leaping ahead in her career - and we've made some really good financial decisions and have never been in a better place in our lives. Well - that isn't true - when I owned an estate, a house in Land Park with no mortgage and Prop 13 taxes, and if we had left shit alone - we were in the BEST place then. But that is spilled milk. But in a different sense, we're in the best place now too. But - she sometimes forgets as she is climbing to the top what I sacrificed to get her there, and also that there is a difference for the people who work for her and the people who live with her. 

Today we had a pretty big blowout. It is a long story - but she has been buying me clothes. I DGAF about clothes. But the shorts she has been buying me are... 

Very Nice. 

A Little Tight. 

Light colors. 

And I work in a dirty chain shop. 

So, I just kind of popped in before I left to say, "I need shorts that are more rugged material in darker colors for work..." 

And she kind of lost her fucking mind about it - at one point going - and she does this shit a lot... "If you don't like what I bought, buy it yourself..." 

And... oh - I fucking will... and she'll HATE it. It'll all be canvas cargo shorts in dark browns and greens that are a couple of inches too big so I can cinch up a belt and be super comfortable all day. I'll totally do that shit... 

Which is - the point. I was being NICE - "I know you like to dress me so I look good as an accessory for you - and I'm OK with that - but I don't want to wear the nice shit you buy me to work and ruin it, so if you could pick out a few pairs that I can wear to work... that you still like - that would be great." 

But - she did call me later to apologize - which is literally a first. No qualifiers - just, "I've got a lot of stress today, and I'm sorry I was uncool." 

Which - is a good thing - because I get off at 2 PM - but I was planning on not rolling back into the house until much later - which is unusual for me. 

But... the day was overall a success. My daughter and I worked out getting her scheduled with her Nurse Practitioner for a persistent neck sprain, I was able to pick up the RX for muscle relaxant on the way home... we had a nice home-made dinner of Gyros and Tater Tots from the air fryer... 

Overall - it is usually worth working through the issues. But sometimes it can be hard to have the wisdom to see that. 

Mon Jun 28 2021 17:22:21 MST from Wangiss <wangiss@wallofhate.com>

 It's weird to be 38 and start to understand what wise men were trying to tell me all along. It's beautiful and also pisses me off, lol.