Sat Dec 18 2021 16:42:26 MSTfrom ParanoidDelusions <paranoiddelusions@wallofhate.com>

Congratulations on scoring the new gig. I like how things keep on keeping on for us lately. 

Maybe it's my resume or maybe it's my age but people are finally treating me like an adult with no effort on my part for the first time in my life.  It's weird but refreshing.  I think maybe I could go get myself a high paying job if I start looking for one.

It's super nice being a functional adult again.  Car, job, money in the account.  I can take myself to the movies.  I can buy the groceries I like.  There's cheesecake in my fridge that I didn't have to balance on my handlebars.

Yeah but you know, the secret is that you didn't let on that you gave a fuck when it wasn't working out - and that is part of the key to digging yourself out of a pit of despair. 

Sun Dec 26 2021 10:11:04 MST from TheDave

 

Sat Dec 18 2021 16:42:26 MSTfrom ParanoidDelusions <paranoiddelusions@wallofhate.com>

Congratulations on scoring the new gig. I like how things keep on keeping on for us lately. 

Maybe it's my resume or maybe it's my age but people are finally treating me like an adult with no effort on my part for the first time in my life.  It's weird but refreshing.  I think maybe I could go get myself a high paying job if I start looking for one.

It's super nice being a functional adult again.  Car, job, money in the account.  I can take myself to the movies.  I can buy the groceries I like.  There's cheesecake in my fridge that I didn't have to balance on my handlebars.

I love that this is more of a support group for disagreeable mid-life males. I didn't know I needed this. 

I didn't gain weight on last week's beach vacation because I walked for an hour and swam for an hour each day on average. Still 213.0. Going back to actually tracking my Weight Watchers points. My wife lost 20 pounds and I lost ten. Praise Allah for effective apps. WW really nailed it with theirs; I just wish they made it accessible by browser. I want to print my danged recipes and shopping lists with decent formatting, bud.

My wife is finally recovering from a traumatic phase of our life that related a strong negative association with cooking, if you can believe it. Sometimes she'll be making breakfast and lunch, and I'm thrilled to be free of either doing it myself or policing the delegation to my kids. This will continue an upward spiral.

I'm so excited for my 40s. Lately every year is getting better faster than things got worse since the age of 24 and I'm totally here for it. 

The Dave, I'm really happy to hear you're finally getting baseline respect. I may have mentioned it before, but the first time I got an unearned positive reaction was three and a half years ago when I grew my beard out. It made me understand a tiny bit what it might be like to be attractive. I'm just a straight-up five for looks, a six on a good day. And I'm at peace with it. But social favor is a freaking rush and I can see how girls and famous people get addicted. 

So... I hadn't thought of it that way, but this kind of is a secret boy's fort, isn't it? And that is OK. People need that shit. I'm kind of glad that this is a testosterone dominated space. Eventually they'll figure out that we've all started going to places like this - Uncensored is the same thing, for Linux/Programmer dorks (not that there is anything wrong with that...) but once they figure out that we're doing this... once it starts to get big - they'll show up here. That *almost* makes me want to make this a specifically male oriented site - with registration and gender verification. Not really a men's rights site - but kind of a manifesto, "The Sanitarium is a safe space primarily for straight white males - but that doesn't mean we exclude gays, or men of color. But part of the ToS is agreeing that straight white males are at the very least, no LONGER privileged, and that they are quite possibly the most easily persecuted minority group in society today. If you agree with that and you would like to engage in a community of males sharing experiences, sharing perspectives, sharing frustrations, and trying to talk it out, please go ahead and sign up. If you disagree, this isn't the social media outlet for you - we suggest Twitter or Reddit." 

I've actually managed to only gain 1.5 pounds through the Christmas/Thanksgiving holiday foodfest - to 179.5. I still haven't been able to hit 175, which is my achievable goal - and opens up my stretch goal of 165. But my wife is having a harder time of it, and it pisses her off that I'm able to lose weight through a period where she tends to pack it on. 

As far as "good looking," every now and then I'll see a picture of myself, now or when I was younger - and realize I guess I am "above average" - but... if so, I'm just barely in that club - and I don't do a lot of the things that would move me up in those ranks (clothes and arrogant self confidence have a LOT to do with where you rank, as a male...) I've seen pictures of you - and like most men - the right haircut, the right clothes - and being a little more self-confident about manifesting *confidence* would move you up a couple of steps. If you watch YouTube - or hell, Dana Carvey is a great example of this... Borat (Sasha Cohen)... also does this... and so does Jim Carrey. They understand that a lot of it is *presentation* - as surely as there are a lot of women walking around out there that are superficially 8s or 9s but without the makeup and the fashion they would drop down to a 4 or 5. 


I'm old enough - I'm just an old man now... like... I'm heavier and I'm bald and I'm just... looking on the edge of AARP... and things change... Girls don't get all flustered and stupid and giggly around me anymore. Women, girls, ladies... they all used to lose their shit around me on a regular basis. I didn't really see it then, so much - but in hindsight... I sure do. 

Now... if I'm dressed nice and driving the M4 - women my own age and general social status are really into me - but that is IT. That is mostly why I see how often females fell over themselves for me when I was younger... and I mean, into my late 40s. 

All of my daughter's *friends* always were totally engaging with me... Not in a sexual way - but... just... engaging... but... so were their MOTHERS... and so were her TEACHERS... and so were... You know... I just... I never had problems at social events because there was always someone - usually a group of people - and mostly female - that wanted to ENGAGE with me socially. Strangers. Whatever... 

Now - I'm often invisible outside a VERY narrow and obvious range with a particular intent. I don't necessarily think every female from 8 to 80 wanted to BONE me... but there is a natural imperative to gender-opposite interaction with people you find attractive - if even just... I guess for practice, or affirmation - whatever it is. Some sort of social affirmation. "This guy is attractive, and he will engage with me... which means I am in the game with other attractive guys who are actual fits for me." 

And between 12 and 28... I'm actually a sort of pariah now... excluding strippers with daddy issues prowling for sugar daddies. I have become SUPER attractive to that demographic - even when they can't see my car. Something about them tells them I'm a prime target for some serious gold mining. Last time I went to a strip club was with a bunch of late 20s/30 somethings - and I ended up having to tell a stripper, "Not into it, but my buddy over there has been sitting there and not a girl has approached him. I'll pay for his lap dance." 

It was like a twisted Scouts outing and I was the bad Den leader. 

Sun Jan 16 2022 21:39:21 MST from Wangiss <wangiss@wallofhate.com>

The Dave, I'm really happy to hear you're finally getting baseline respect. I may have mentioned it before, but the first time I got an unearned positive reaction was three and a half years ago when I grew my beard out. It made me understand a tiny bit what it might be like to be attractive. I'm just a straight-up five for looks, a six on a good day. And I'm at peace with it. But social favor is a freaking rush and I can see how girls and famous people get addicted. 

My mating strategy was too specific for me to try and sort out much in general terms. I was attracted to a very narrow set of women: the palest girls I could find. Girls blushing turns me on, so the reddest foreground against the whitest background is what I notice in a crowd of thousands. And who did I marry? A woman of very Scottish ancestry.

And I read that high-testosterone males seek high-estrogen females, which absolutely happened. Estrogen has a height limiting element, and that may be part of why I wanted a short girl. She's 5'. She is temperamentally the archetypal woman, avatar of generative chaos. The one Billy Joel sang about. (This she freely admits.) 

And I'm extremely low in Trait Neuroticism so to subconsciously balance it out every single girl I was attracted to enough to ask out was top-decile neurotic. Just by instinct. My first girlfriend rated as the most neurotic girl in her psychology class. I guess I intuited that, left to my own devices, I wouldn't notice a lion coming... which is probably true.

So I was looking for a very specific type of woman and that makes me a long-trail hunter. Being generally attractive wasn't my process. Being attractive to the target woman was. I learned how to woo an individual, and that worked out very well for me. Still does. 

So, I spent a couple of hours on the phone with an old friend - he is a Hell's Angel now - and he was always scoring with hot chicks - like... strippers... once he got some confidence... 

But he... girls always thought he was hot, but he had no instinct, no game for closing, growing up - so... he was talking about the chicks he thought were the finest growing up... and 3 of them he named off, I dated... two of them I slept with... 

And the others, I knew of them, and I agree, they were the finest girls in school growing up - and every one of them, I had a friend who dated or slept with. 

So... I was absolutely running around with "top tier" crowds in high school and as a young adult... 

But the thing is... I'm attracted to that pale blushing thing too.... and I also like... I dunno... the mousy, kinda quiet, smart girls... I always did, too... the overlooked ones who were socially inept from the perspective of my circles, but were absolutely confident and self-assured in their element... scholastically and academically. And I can't stand neuroticism... and popular girls... holy shit... they're ALL basket cases of insecurity and suspicion and daddy issues and entitlement and acting out.

They're the *worst* people. I never dated a super hot, super popular girl who wasn't just a total fucking basket case behind closed doors. 


So my wife... is not maternal, she is not nurturing, she is not typically a *woman* in most regards. She is very MANLIKE in her attitude. Very matter of fact. She has some female traits... If she heads off in one direction, you can almost always be certain the direction you should be headed is 180 degrees the opposite direction. If she thinks a bunch of objects will fit in a space - she'll insist you do it that way - so it isn't worth fighting - but you learn that when it doesn't work you're going to have to undo it all and do it the way you suggested in the first place. She is terrible at spatial relations. But in general, she is something of a Vulcan... typically very non-emotional, very rational, and very reasoning. 

I tell her... she was never HOT... but HOT chicks - the hot fades and all your left with is an old handbag that glory days about high school and is a terrible person because she was always indulged by dudes who could only think with their dicks when she was young. 

My wife has a style and grace and elegance that is more timeless. Beauty is different than "hotness". And it is way better. And Angelina really has improved with age. 

I suspect my wife is a fairly high testosterone female - and I think it is very threatening to most high testosterone men.  Which is an interesting observation. 

Fri Jan 28 2022 22:34:36 MST from Wangiss <wangiss@wallofhate.com>

My mating strategy was too specific for me to try and sort out much in general terms. I was attracted to a very narrow set of women: the palest girls I could find. Girls blushing turns me on, so the reddest foreground against the whitest background is what I notice in a crowd of thousands. And who did I marry? A woman of very Scottish ancestry.

And I read that high-testosterone males seek high-estrogen females, which absolutely happened. Estrogen has a height limiting element, and that may be part of why I wanted a short girl. She's 5'. She is temperamentally the archetypal woman, avatar of generative chaos. The one Billy Joel sang about. (This she freely admits.) 

And I'm extremely low in Trait Neuroticism so to subconsciously balance it out every single girl I was attracted to enough to ask out was top-decile neurotic. Just by instinct. My first girlfriend rated as the most neurotic girl in her psychology class. I guess I intuited that, left to my own devices, I wouldn't notice a lion coming... which is probably true.

So I was looking for a very specific type of woman and that makes me a long-trail hunter. Being generally attractive wasn't my process. Being attractive to the target woman was. I learned how to woo an individual, and that worked out very well for me. Still does.